Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Letters I wrote to my kids

I am so blessed to have four beautiful kids. Two boys, and two girls. I had surgery last year and something in me said, to write them these letters. I was so scared I wouldn't wake up. SO I put these letters and one to my husband on my computer.    Before my surgery I told my husband that should anything happen to me the letters are there. But, only to read them if I didn't make it.  I know that sounds morbid, but I just couldn't leave this earth with out leaving a piece of myself to the ones I loved the most. So while all letters are similar, here is the one I wrote to my oldest daughter, and then the one I wrote to my oldest son. All letters are changed a bit to cater to the child.  I was going to write a blog today about jealousy and then I was talking to a good friend and we got on the topic of our kids, and then I realized I am blessed with so much. I read her the letters and she was so moved and suggested I share them. So I am. (No part of my letter was taken from anywhere else. It was all mine)
Dearest Lilyannah,                         2/1/2015
I never thought I would write a letter to my kids like this. Though it dawned on me. Tomorrow is never promised. If there comes a time that I am to go from this life and leave the four of you here without me, I wanted to leave you with a piece of myself. Honey you know me and how emotional I am. I am sitting here in tears. If you are reading
this, it means I have gone. It means your heart is broken. It means you may be hurting in a way no one can understand. Know this. I am still here with you. Every song you find yourself singing, I am signing with you. You get that beautiful voice of yours from me. Don't waste it. If you use it to be famous someday or not, use it. Sing to yourself, in the shower, to de-stress, to my grand-babies. Sing when you are happy, and sad, and angry. Sing always. You are a beautiful gift. You made me a mother. I am not sure how old you will be when you read this. So pardon if you are older and you already know some
of what I am about to tell you. My sweet, don't be to hard on yourself. Don't give up. Try as hard as you can. Never let anyone make you feel worthless. Fall in love with Mr. "right for you" not mr. "right now". Remember the difference between "love and lust" they look the same. Trust me when I say, there is a difference. A few years after you have been together,
If you still want to wake up next to him, and he doesn't irritate you with anger, that is love. (Some days he will irritate you, but you will love him (or her) anyway. )  Just because a man says I love you, doesn't mean he deserves to be in your pants. A
man who truly loves you will wait. That is not me being over protective, that is FACT! Just so you know, I am going to say a lot of the same parts to all your siblings, so if you end up reading this in their letters, don't feel cheated, it was something you needed to know.  A man should NEVER lay a hand on you. If he does, you get out of there FAST. There are resources to help you. Don't you dare stay with a man who thinks it is okay to abuse my beautiful daughter. Be the best mom you can be. Your instincts will take you far in parenting, trust them. Some days your kids will annoy you and you will want to crawl in a hole. Or pray for a vacation. Honey that is normal. Breath, hug them, tuck them in. But don't hurt them, or make a bad parenting call.Grab a glass of wine, a hot bath and sing.
I know you will be an amazing mother some day. I hope it is once you are married. Though if it is not, read up on all you can. Start preparing for my grandchild to come from the moment you find out. Oh and tell them about me. About the good things, and
the great memories we had. Tell them how much I love them. I am sorry in advance if any thing I did parenting wise causes you to need counseling. I am kinda giggling to myself as I type that. I tried hard when you were 9 to explain what a period was
but I epically failed. I am sorry. I hope you do much better then I did. Learn how to cook. Not for a man, but for yourself. Learn how to sew, the basics. Learn how to change a tire. Learn how to balance a check book. Only ever have one credit card and pay it down all but 10%. Grow your credit. Start a savings. Last but not least. Never lose contact with Owen, Morgan and Shane. Stay strong in your love for each other. After your father and I are gone, and until you get in a relationship, those three will be all you have. Call each other to check up on each other, to have coffee dates, and just be friends. Only borrow
money from them in emergency cases and ALWAYS pay them back. If your father is still alive, remind him I loved him more. Never lie, cheat, or steal. Be fair, honest and kind. Pray always. God is always listening. I will see you again someday. Until then, be amazing. I am so proud of you. I love you. I know you love me too.
XOXO love always. mom.

Dearest Owen,                     2/01/2015
I never thought I would write a letter to my kids like this. Though it dawned on me. Tomorrow is never promised. If there comes a time that I am to go from this life and leave the four of you here without me, I wanted to leave you with a piece of myself. Honey you know me and how emotional I am. I am sitting here in tears. If you are reading
this, it means I have gone. It means your heart is broken. It means you may be hurting in a way no one can understand. Know this. I am still here with you.  You are a beautiful gift. You showed me how to be brave. You saved my life. You will never truly understand this. Maybe one day when you have kids of your own, you will. I am not sure how old you will be when you read this. So pardon if you are older and you already know some of what I am about to tell you. My dear son, don't be to hard on yourself. Don't give up. Try as hard as you can. Never let anyone make you feel worthless. Fall in love with Miss. "right for you" not miss. right now. Remember the difference between "love and lust" they look the same. Trust me when I say, there is a difference. A few years after you have been together,
If you still want to wake up next to her, and she doesn't irritate you, that is love. (Some days she will irritate you, but you will love her (or him) anyway. ) Don't ever tell her what she needs to hear to get in her pants. If you truly love her you will wait. That is not me being over protective, that is FACT! Just so you know I am going to say same part to all your siblings, so if you end up reading this in their letters, don't feel cheated, it was something you needed to know. Son, love with all your heart. Never lay your hands on a woman. Always open the door for her, pull out her chair, remind her from the beginning to the end how much she means to you, how beautiful she is. Be the best dad you can be.I hope you stay married to the mother of your children. Though if you don't and life takes you on another path, build a relationship with you kids. Go to their games, and recitals, and birthdays, make memories with them. Love them. Be friends with their mother.
Speaking of mothers. Always show your kids how much you love her, kiss her, hold her hand, buy her flowers for no reason. Do the dishes once in a while. Eat dinner as a family. Never put her down in front of the kids. Compliment her in front of them.
Be on her side always.Listen when she speaks, talk out your problems, don't yell. Never go to bed angry. Make time to date your wife. Your instincts will take you far in parenting, trust them. Some days your kids will annoy you and you will want to crawl in a hole. Or
pray for a vacation. Honey that is normal. Breath, hug them, tuck them in. Then go do something you like to do, read, watch a game, have a beer, what ever calms you.
I know you will be an amazing Father some day.  Start preparing for my grandchild to come from the moment you find out. Your now pregnant wife may be moody, It isn't your fault, but she may take it out on you. Just let it go. Do something to make life a little easier on her. Spoil her in her pregnancy. She is carrying your child she deserves to be spoiled.
Oh and tell them about me. About the good things, and the great memories we had. Tell them I love them. I am sorry in advance if any thing I did parenting wise causes you to need counseling. I am kinda giggling to myself as I type that. I have photos of you wearing your sisters princess dress up clothes. I am sorry. I hope you do much better then I did. Learn how to cook. Learn how to balance a check book. Work hard, when you work for your money you cherish the fruits of your labor.  Only ever have one credit card
and pay it down all but 10%. Grow your credit. Start a savings. Last but not least. Never lose contact with Lily, Morgan and Shane. Stay strong in your love for each other. If your father is still living, remind him I loved him more. After your father and I are gone, and until you get in a relationship, those three will be all you have. Call each other to check up on each other, to have coffee dates, and just be friends. Only borrow money from them in emergency cases and ALWAYS pay them back. Never lie, cheat, or steal. Be fair, honest and kind. Protect those who cannot protect themselves. Pray always. God is always listening. I will see you again someday. Until then, be amazing. I am so proud of you. I love you.
I know you love me too.
XOXO love always. mom.


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