Thursday, March 17, 2016

"You don't need a gastric bypass"

I have something on my mind and well.... just watch...


Thursday, March 10, 2016

Part 1.

Over the past year I have been writing this. So I am finally ready to share it. Please be kind in any comments that you may post. I will delete anything that comes close to being negative in anyway. As always thank you to those that support me and I hope you enjoy this series. (This is long to be long for a blog but to short to submit for a book)

To my dad, who never knew what it was like to see him through my eyes.  

A wise man once told me. "If you are walking with the man you love, he needs to walk on the outside." I remember this being pretty long conversation. I was nine when he
told me. He said, if he loves you it means he is with you. Back in the day women walking on the outside meant the women was for sale. It is also a sign of respect.
It is a sign of protection. This conversation was one of a few times that stuck out in my mind. I didn't know then how much that conversation really would mean in my
life. This same wise man once told me going to the dollar store with five dollars means I can get only four things not five. Though he always felt bad and paid my tax
so I could get five items anyhow. My first lesson in life about life. Tax. How all that math at school really was meant for the real world. I have to admit though I
have not yet had to figure out anything math wise as an adult that had letters and numbers at the same time. When sitting down and thinking about what I was going
to write about, it wasn't long before I knew, I was going to write about my father. So this is dedicated to: How I met my dad.

The first time many people see their father is right after their birth. I am not saying all get this luxury. I didn't that is for sure. I was born to a mother who had
no idea who my father really was. She "thinks" she knows. I look back on photos of her and I. Her as child, me as a child. We could have twins. So what did I get
from my father? It wasn't until I was much older that I even cared. For a long time my mother was married to a man I could have sworn was my dad. I didn't know
different. Though it is weird to say that now. How the brain can cut out bits of time like nothing. My brother and I spent the first five years of my life with my grand
father and my very young aunt. That is a whole other story on it's own and maybe you might hear of it. I can remember bits and pieces of that life. Of seeing people
sitting around a table smoking, drinking coffee. I don't remember any yelling, or fighting. I don't really remember a mom, but then again I do. I was super confused.
I thought my aunt was my mother. One day, she was gone. One day we were on a small plane. On our way back to this other lady. Who finally had gotten her act together.
Well enough that my grandfather felt comfortable letting us go back. She didn't last two years. She didn't know how to be a mom. Not a mom to two kids who really
didn't know her. I am a mother now, with a daughter who looked just like I did when I was a kid. Who acts the same way I did when I was a kid. She has severe ADHD.
When I sit back and think of all I went through so young. I hug her. I promise her to never give up. We recently saw a commercial about foster kids. She looked at
and said. "Mom I never want to go to a foster home. Promise me". I said " Honey, I promised you that 27 years ago. When I became a foster child. I tell people. I am
an open book. I am who I am today, in spite of all of that. So when did I meet my dad? The exact date to me isn't clear and if I did some research I could find out.
I am pretty I could ask him and he might know. Though hearing just how I know of it right now. Is what makes this story special.

The day the police, yes the police, came to my mother's house to escort me away. Was around Christmas time 1988. My mother ran a motel and her portion to live in was
connected to the office. The whole establishment was a large U shape. Hers being on the far left. Everyone who was staying there at the time, came out to see just why
the police had come to the manager's office. I wasn't handcuffed or anything. Though I was crying. I remember this sinking feeling. I used to have dreams that I was
trying to run away from something bad. I never saw the bad. I just knew it was bad. I also felt like a part of me was flying over head cheering myself on. Run Joanne.
Run, they are coming for you. Something was wrong though. I knew I was running as fast as I could but at the same time when I looked down on myself I was running in
slow motion. The bad, never caught me. Though this dream always left me feeling awful. Feeling like I was drowning. This dream is how I felt that day. My mother
no emotions. I was for lack of a better word. Freaking out. I couldn't understand what was going on. Why was I leaving. What did I do so wrong. Would I ever see her
again? Why couldn't I take my brother? They said it wasn't for permanent, I believed them. I didn't take anything. No clothes, no dolls, just me. Crying, sad, lost,
and drowning me. This seven year old, brown haired, freckle faced green eyed, crying little girl. Alone, just me. Man looking back it is like I am telling a story
that is not mine. I have tears in my eyes. I am sad for her. How could her mother do this to her? Why didn't her mother want her? I remember looking out the back
of the car that day. Seeing not a teardrop from my mother's eye. Who knows. Maybe she went in and bawled her eyes out. Maybe she went in and did a sigh of relief,
maybe she went in and thought about ending it all. Maybe she was numb and went in and made dinner. I will never know. My mother can't even tell you. Her story
changes a lot. That day, that very moment we drove away. It was like the innocence died. The child, or whatever child was left. Died.

Several months pass. I bounced around to a few homes. No one could find anything permanent and the homes I was in didn't do long term care. Well at least not for a
girl who was messed up and "having issues." One day I went to this office building in downtown Spokane. I sat there and waited. Story of my life. I wait. I wait for
whatever. I didn't know it then, in walked my dad. To me, he was this man who had a twinkle in his eye like Santa. You want to sit on his lap and tell him all you want
for Christmas. You trust him and you have no idea why. He had this smile that said everything is going to be okay. At this point I was used to disappointment.
While I wanted to trust him. I couldn't. I was so used to no one sticking around. I cannot tell you what we talked about that day. I cannot tell you how long the
visit lasted. I had no idea who he was or why he cared. I remember he promised to see me again. At this point I learned what a promise was.

Promise: Something adults say but have no clue if they can really hold up to their end of the deal. If the situation doesn't suit them, or if something else comes up
said promise is void and there is nothing you can do about it. Promise.

It would be four weeks until I saw him again. This time he came to whatever home I was living in at the time. I remember getting into a red truck. I didn't care where
we were going. I just felt so happy to be going. To be away from the foster life. Surrounded by kids who had the word sister attached after their fosters title. Though
were just as messed up if not worse off than I. Who had siblings of their own and would never view me as a sister. Who never treated me as such. Who couldn't imagine
a life with me in it. Who would never remember me after we parted. I was so glad to be away from that. Windows down and wind in my hair. He offered me a Mento. To him
it was just natural to be kind and to have something and not enjoy it in front of me. To offer it to me too. What he didn't know is I was used to that. So it never
dawned on me he even was eating them. When he offered it to me it was like sealing the deal on our friendship. He thought I was important enough to treat with kindness.
A Mento. Who knew. To this day, whenever I am at the checkout, I see Mentos. I grab them. I think of that moment, and every one after. How he always had them.
When I was younger I always looked at the ground. Always. When I had to go to counseling I looked at the ground. When I was walking. I looked at the ground. When I
did anything. I didn't want anyone to look me in the eye and make me cry. Even so young, crying seemed to weak in a world I was living in. I didn't want anyone to
make me feel like my mother did. I had no reason to smile either. What was there to smile about. Each day I felt like I was just surviving.  I remember he would tell
to look up, to smile, to enjoy myself. For him, I might have. I had no one to impress. Until he proved his promise was different. When I knew he was coming, I would sit
for hours waiting for him to arrive. To take me away from the hell I was living in. I remember that sinking feeling like I was suffocating when the time to show up would
pass and he didn't arrive. No, not him... he promised. Please don't leave me here I would say. I would look down. Rub my eyes welling up with tears. Just as I started
to feel that I was done for. That whatever progress I had made was gone. He would show up. Late... This is when I learned that Jim was always late.

So who is Jim? Jim was the appointed Guardian ad litem from the state. These are unpaid volunteers who speak up for the kids of the state.
What I didn't learn to well into my adulthood, was that he too was once a foster kid too, and that is why he chose this. He wanted to help make a difference.

Jim (it feels so weird to call him that) was on a mission. He saw this "stone child" (as was noted in my chart,as a child who showed no emotion.) to smile again. To
like something. His mission was to show me, life is good too. He really had his work cut out for him. Have you ever seen the movie white oleander? No I was never shot.
Yes the movie has a lot of the same aspects of my foster care life. Though I was never as pretty as the actress who played Allister (I think that was her name) but
just as messed up, if not worse. Jim would come every few weeks. Which time flies. Though it didn't for me. School was torture. I wore clothes that goodwill couldn't
sell. I had no friends. Kids would go home and say. We got a new girl today, her name is Joanne. They would describe me. Their parents would encourage them to
play with me anyhow, because my parents might just be poor and it isn't my fault. So they would play with me. Then out of nowhere it would happen. I would say
something that told them I was a foster kid. They would tell their parents and that was a whole game changer. Parents didn't need to know exactly why I was foster
kid. Just that I was not someone they wanted their kid to hang out with. One day I had a friend and the next I didn't. The teasing was unbearable. Being teased for
being a foster kid was only the beginning. My name was Joanne. Though spelled Johanne. My last name Herbig. (WHO HAS THAT LAST NAME??? IT IS AWFUL!!!!) Every year,
every new school would shout Johanne (yo-han) Herbig.  This was all the ammo kids needed. I was yo-han Herbig butt for years. I remember going days without bathing.
Not because I didn't want to, but because I was a foster kid who had to do what I was told, and often my own hygien was not a priority to many parents. I smelled bad
in every way. Body odor, my breath, my clothes. More ammo for kids to tease me. So weeks felt like months until Jim was back to rescue me. One kind man who knew I
needed him. Our routine turned into getting something to eat, roller skating and going to the dollar store. Remember he was a volunteer. He was just supposed to come
visit me. Make sure I was okay. He knew I needed him. To show me that innocence is in me still.

During this time, I found my voice. Not in a way that you might think. It was during this time I learned to cope with the emptiness of Jim's absence. I would take
my brain somewhere else, and sing. I would make up songs about a place with a sandy beach and blue water, and sand dollars, and water toys. Rainbows without rain.
I would make up songs about him being my dad.  I didn't know he was ever going to be. I just made them up. Singing about whatever was happy and opposite of what I was
going through. I never went to the beach, I never visited a theme park, I never went to the fair, I never saw a disney movie. In fact the first movie I saw was Little
Mermaid which came out in 1989 and I didn't see it till 1990. I don't remember another for a long time. Though I can sing every word to almost every song in that movie.
I know many can, but to me, the movie has a lot of meaning that many will never truly understand. I did want to be part of that world. I wanted to look like all the
other kids. I wanted to go places and see things, and do stuff that everyone else got to. For now, I was grateful just to go skating. Just to visit the dollar store.
Just to see him.

He started greeting me with "hey kid" and a big hug. We had reached hug status. Oh how good it felt for someone to hug me. No one had given me a good hug in so long.
I think that is why I love them so much to this day. He was the first I can remember to hug me out of caring. Out of love. Not in a creepy child molester way.
In a, you got this kid. I love you. Until next time kinda way. Like, don't forget how awesome you are kind of way. I got all that from a hug. Those I truly love in
the present get those kind of hugs from me. Sometimes it is hard to let go. Sometimes I get that old sinking abandoned feeling when we part. Secretly praying,
please don't let this be the last time I see them. I had that then with him and I get that now, with my husband, my kids, my family, and my best friends. It is
like a happiness I cannot describe when we reconnect. I know it may sound strange but it is very true. With Jim, it was a moment when I didn't feel like Joanne the
weird kid. Joanne the kid who has to sing to cope. Joanne the girl who is empty and alone. Someone cared about me. That was all that mattered.

The first time I can remember seeing the fruits of Jim's labor was him getting approval for me to visit my mother. Now, he did many things for me. It is just
there was so much behind the scenes I never knew. Things could have always been worse, and maybe because of him they were not. He picked me up and I had no idea I was
going to see my mother or brother that day. I had no idea this wasn't another visit with them in a therapist's office. This wasn't another visit in a large room with a
caseworker right outside. This was different. We drove downtown Spokane and parked. It was very busy and crowed. Almost too much at the time. Sensory overload for sure.
I didn't care. I was so happy to be gone. Doing something different. I could spot my mom a mile away. I ran to her. It is weird how even though I was so angry at her
every time, this unconditional love for her was always there. Always told me this is where I am supposed to feel safe. Is today the day she was going to take me home?
Was today the day? I cannot remember if Jim stayed or if he left. That day was the saint patrick's day parade It isn't really long, and they throw a lot of candy at
you. For a brief moment. I forgot I was anything but normal. I forgot who I was. I wasn't a loser. I wasn't alone. I was loved, and special. I was her daughter,
his sister.

I stopped writing just now to put on some tunes and sing. Talking about my mother always sends to a weird place. I get emotional and feel soft and vulnerable. Escaping
as a kid to sing, that never went away. I still do it to this day. Put on some awesome 80's tunes and I am free. I am who I want to be. Singing just is that amazing
to me. Who knew right?

End part 1. 

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

fixing my body

Take a picture of yourself naked, then take progressive pictures of yourself naked to see the progress. It was the hardest most disgusting thing I every did. How was I going to be able to look at the body I had failed. I was given this perfect body at birth and once I was given freedom to develop it, I failed my body. So now, I feel amazing trying to repair my body. My surgery was a temporary band aide so to speak. I feel more and more amazing every day.

Monday, February 29, 2016

Video staring my husband

I believe that in order to go through this process having a supporting family means a world of difference. My husband is my rock and I never could have done this with out him. He has made every moment more bearable. He has made life more fun. Put more smiles on my face. This last week has been so about me that I really wanted to take a minute and do a video with his view. So here it is, a video featuring my husband. 

Thursday, February 25, 2016

One week post op update

Today was a little hard. I have suddenly turned even more sensitive then I already am to comments. It was as if the tough skin I had prepared myself for went away. I cried over small comments. I suddenly felt like I shouldn't have said anything about my surgery. I believe with all my heart that this was the best choice for me. I know 100% that this journey is amazing and wonderful, hard and evil. I am going to continue to share my journey, to inspire others. To help educate and continue to speak out about the world of gastric bypass.

On a different note. YAY for day 6/7. Guess it depends how you look at it. I had surgery early morning on Friday, today is Thursday. I count Friday as one day. You decide. Anyhow. I started 237. Today I was 217. I earned every pound lost of that. Call it water weight, call it actual fact call it what ever you want. Either way it is gone from my body and I NEVER want to see it again. So enjoy today's video. I plan on doing two new videos tomorrow. So stay tuned. Much love everybody.


Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Day 4 RNY Gastric Bypass surgery

Another update. Just let you all know how things are going day by day.
 Here is day four. Thank you for watching.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

In my own words about my gastric bypass

Over the past few days my life changed. I did something I never thought I would. Thus the whole reason for this whole blog. I got the RNY gastric bypass. I did a video to talk about how that all went for me. Please pardon how I look I am only 3 days out of surgery.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Someone do a teeth video already.

I got my teeth fixed this last week and I of course did a video about it. So yea just watch it.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Getting nervous ... So so nervous

As my surgery is getting closer, I am getting more nervous. I woke up this morning and I realized there are so many little details that I totally forgot because I was so excited about the surgery. I have many support groups for my surgery, and I use Instagram as an outlet for support as well. You would not even believe how many people out there have had weight loss surgery, and have Instagram accounts. They (as well as I) use Instagram as a way of sharing their journey through pictures. So as I started to panic about all of these little details, I thought why not use my weight loss surgery family and friends to answer my questions and to calm my fears. Though I really needed to blog about how I am feeling today. 

First off, some of the little details may not seem like a big deal to you, the average reader,  but I'm going to be blunt here so bear with me because it's not pretty. When you are laying on an operating table and you are very naked there are some things that no matter what your size you might worry about. If you are a woman one of them might be should I shave or should I just let it be. Some might say just a little bit of grooming is all that you really need. Now I'm thinking what should I do, my stomach is at a point now where I can't really see what's going on down there. I don't want anyone to think that I am gross or that I don't care about my personal hygiene. So what should I do what do other people do? Is anybody going to even care? They are nurses and surgeon who have seen tons of people naked I am NOT special. These are just some of the little things I think about. 

Then I worry about the fact that the first couple of days after surgery I won't really be able to drink much in fact it is a clear liquid diet for the first few days and absorbing very much is going to be a huge task. I have two medications I take every day and are very vital to my whole entire world. One, is a thyroid medication if I don't take this even one day I feel sick. This is a pill that I take in the middle of the night. You might be asking why I would go out of my way to wake up in the middle of the night just to take a pill, and if you are not also a thyroid medication person you would have no idea that you literally have to have an empty stomach to take this pill. Several hours prior and several hours after you cannot eat or drink anything. The best time to take it is literally in the middle of the night. There have been a couple of times where I have not absorbed properly because I did not wait long enough. So even going one day without it does make me feel sick. Next, is my hormone medication now enough said there, but just so you know, me not taking that throws my whole world outta wack. I have hot flashes and I'm crazy moody and one minute I'm completely fine and the next minute I'm crying from a  Kleenex commercial. Everybody walks on eggshells around me when I'm out of medication or have forgotten to take it. So I'm pretty darn good now about taking it religiously every night before I go to bed. The combination of not being able to take these two pills for a couple of days freaks me out. So now I'm trying to figure out what I should do and if I will be okay. 

Another thing I have been doing religiously lately is taking many many many before pictures. Taking these pictures is very important and vital to my success. Even well before the surgery and for many years every time I went to try to lose the weight that I have gained I was addicted to the scale. Scale addiction is just as bad in my opinion as anything else. If the scale doesn't move I am very down on myself. So having these before pictures is super important.  I can see where I have come from, how far I have gone, and where I am going. Taking my before Pictures has also become sort of an addiction to me. I have some clothes that while they don't look attractive on me I have been putting on in hopes that someday very soon I will be able to wear. So I put them on and I take a picture and then I take it off and I store it away. I have been taking pictures of my kids attempting to wrap their arms around me. I've been taking pictures of me and other friends so that one day when I have lost a good majority of my weight we can take another picture, and I can look back and say I am so proud. 

Here is something that I have not talked about with many people. It is very real and very likely going to happen to me. Many people that I have talked to or that I know now, who have recently had surgery within the first week at one point had said "I regret having surgery". That regret comes from the amount of pain that they are in, or the fact that they can't eat,  or the struggle of whatever they're going through at the time. Granted it has been several weeks since their surgery and they now don't quite feel the same way they did then, but I have not ran into one person who has had the surgery,  who didn't at least think it. I am worried that I will hurt so bad in some way that I will to say the same things. I think in my mind it is okay to think that, it is a natural reaction. However, what I'm worried about is ever saying it out loud to anyone else. I worry that people will say see I told you so, or something along the lines of well you are the one who wanted this. (I can hear my husband saying that.)  That is the last thing I want to hear. So I worry about that happening to me, and who will be around to be accepting when I say it. Who is going to be the friend I need to just give me a hug, and tell me everything is going to be okay?

 I have said a lot in the past that I don't have a relationship with food, but since my surgery is coming closer and closer (we are literally 10 days away) I have seen a relationship with food. I am more aware now than I have ever been in my whole entire life, that my whole world is about to change and I won't be able to eat the way I have ever eaten before. The surgeon sent home a surgery packet to me a month or so ago and I read every page cover to cover. Inside that packet was a small section that talked about a food funeral. There is a whole paragraph dedicated to a food funeral. I couldn't believe it. In that paragraph he stresses do not have a food funeral. Yet everybody does it. (In fact, I have every meal planned out, where we will be going out to eat the days leading to my surgery. I will be in a town about 300 ish miles away from home that has everything we don't in my small town)  I have found over the past several weeks I have been doing that. While I don't overeat I have not restricted what I eat. If I want a bite of that brownie I took it. If I wanted to eat Indian food I ate it. In my mind I kept telling myself don't restrict yourself because soon you're not going to be able to have it, and you're going to regret not having had it. I have heard people say that they get jealous when they see other people eating or that they distance themselves at mealtimes from their family, because they are eating something that they don't get to. That is also something I worry about. I can say right here and now that I don't think that will happen to me. Yet the first time it does I might surprise myself and be totally pissed that I can't, or hell just be like, well I chose this and I am going to eat this small portion of yummy goodness like it is my job.. Not because I have an addiction to food or that I even care but that age old question of feeling like why did I do this?  I regret it might come creeping in,  and I won't be able to say anything to anybody or tell anyone because I brought this on myself, I'm the one who wanted it.

 Through this wonderful journey I have met two local women who both are at different stages of recovery in this journey. I have been truly inspired by both of them and have learned a lot from what they are going through. What I have learned is not to compare my story to theirs. Here's another thing I worry about, comparing myself to others. If I don't lose weight fast enough how long am I going to be upset about that ? How am I going to get up in the morning and not try to compare myself to others. Out loud I would like to say that I am optimistic, That optimism rules my world and I see the glass as half full at all times. Do you even buy that load of crap? Let's be real here, I'm a pessimist. Man that feels good to say that out loud because I have never said it. I see the glass as half empty all the time. I constantly worry, I what if myself to death, and I see the negative things before I see the silver lining or the positive every time. Trust me it is exhausting.  I try to surround myself with positive people or people who can be the opposite in their thinking than I am. I genuinely need someone who will be opposite of me to turn it back around for me. I am worried that I will compare myself to my friends. I am worried about losing friends. Due to how this surgery might change me, or how I might be a burden to others. 

Speaking of friends one of my closest, dearest, wonderful friends, my best friend in the whole entire world, the man I married, my husband, I am worried about him. We have been inseparable from the day we met. (Minus the year he left to join the Army)  He has sacrificed so much for this family it is not even funny. Maybe someday I might share that story with you, but for now let's just say my husband has bent over backwards for a family he never knew he wanted. Here I am about ready to do something that will change my life forever. Not once and I say this with shame, not once did I think about how it was going to impact the lives of my husband or my children. (No matter if it was a good impact or bad)  All I wanted to do was be healthy, live longer, run faster, farther, breathes better, play with my children, interact better with my husband, feel sexier, prettier, more confident, love myself. I did not think about how my husband was sacrificing a month of his time to care for a wife who got the surgery. To convince me on a daily basis, when I am a whinny baby, everything is going to be okay. Who's going to get up every morning with the children and get them off to school. Who is going to help me keep the house clean. Who's going to make all the  meals for our family. Who is going to do a lot of the running around and errands. I never once thought about all he was going to go through for me. I have acknowledged him, and thanked him, and told him how much I appreciate him in advance, but I don't think I ever really sat down and thought about the sacrifice he was making for me. How can I ever repay him for his selfless love? There will come a time when my weight loss will make me feel like a million bucks. What I choose to do with that feeling will be up to me. How I choose to react with the world will be up to me. I need to be grown,  I need to be mature,  and I need to realize that I did this for myself,  for him,  and for them. Once I feel better,  my goal is to be a better wife and mother. Just show them in the long run this was for the best. 

These are all things that when I woke up this morning that hit me like a ton of bricks. 10 days away from surgery and all I can think about is dear god I hope I wake up from surgery. Saying that out loud I suddenly feel so selfish. What if I die?  I know that sounds morbid to say, and I agree with you. It doesn't stop it from being true.  What if I die? That is a really hard question and I have not asked my surgeon how many people have ever died on his table. I'm not sure I want to know. See,  I told you I'm a pessimist..... So everyday I try to put up little videos on Instagram or videos here, where I seem spunky and outgoing and full of life and everything is going to be so great. Today I just wanted you all to see some of the other side of me. I have severe social anxiety disorder. My anxiety once it takes over eats me alive. So all I can think about all morning long is how in 10 days this surgery is going to turn my world upside down and I need to deal with it. People might say don't keep that all inside talk to someone about it, don't harbor all those feelings. So I think I'm going to look into talking to a counselor. Somebody who doesn't know me and will keep everything I say confidential. Someone who I can say I regret having the surgery and isn't going to say I told you so. 

Now this was a terribly long blog entry and you might have quit reading after a couple of lines, but if you made it this far, I want to leave you with this. The decisions we make better be worth it, think about everybody who is going to be impacted by your choices,  and make sure absolutely sure that is worth it. I am ready for the surgery now. Thank you for letting me get all of that nonsense off my chest. Love - Trapped Skinny Girl

Sunday, February 7, 2016

I tried the PB2 Shake.. And here is how it went.

So I tried the new PB2 Shake, recommended by Dr. Matthew Weiner:   Here is the link to the video about protein shakes.:
You can view that video here: 

 I have had the stuff for a few days now, and finally got the guts to try it. I am not adventurous, and I don't try new things to often. With this new surgery coming, my whole world is about to change. I am going to have to be a little more open to trying things, in order to get in my protein.  Not only do I don't try stuff to often, I have a texture issue. I am sounding like a huge whiny baby right now, but it is true. None the less, I sucked it up and I tried this new shake option and well..... Here are the results of that. I hope you enjoy this video.

            SHARE IT, SUBSCRIBE, GIVE IT A THUMBS UP. I Deserve it after this video.  

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Let's talk about spoiling yourself.

Preparing for surgery I chose to prep in some ways that not only make me feel pretty, but I really needed the maintenance. See I think not only should you take time to do some of these things, but you should just spoil yourself once in a while. You deserve it. Watch the video. Enjoy.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Nothing is going to get me down

All my life I have been a jack of all trades and a master of none. I hardly ever finish what I start, and I get bored really easily.  (I promise this is leading to something) So needless to say fitness has been a love hate relationship on so many levels. When I would stop going to the gym, I had an excuse that was pretty legit. Had surgery on an ankle, broke the other one. Those kinds of things. I never really thought about how I should better myself and work through it. It seemed like just when it was hard, just when progress was slowly coming calamity would strike and I didn't have to keep working out. Regardless of all that I hope working out will do for me. Over all at the end of the day it made me feel better. Like cleared my brain. Losing weight is super hard for me. Medical reasons play a huge part in that but if I am not eating right, working out like a mad woman, and drinking tons of water. If any of those are not in tune and done with the others, the weight comes right back. No rest for the wicked. Anyhow, so here I am, about to have this major surgery. A tool that will help me keep the weight off that I am fighting so hard to lose. Though this tool is not all I am using. I am back in the swing of working out. I am pushing hard, I love it again. Then yesterday happened. I started getting this pain through my ear and into my head. Sharp, insane pain. Felt like I was under water. I couldn't hear well, but that wasn't the worst thing for me, it was pain, very very painful. I started to put pressure on it as if that would help, and do these weird head tilt to the side tick thing when it would strike me. This started moments before we left the gym yesterday,  as we went to let our kids play on the indoor playground, it got worse and worse. There were tons of people there and I didn't care who saw me, I broke down in tears. The pain was unbearable, I felt dizzy, and I couldn't hear well.  I had my husband take me to the ER. After what felt like forever waiting to be seen a doc looks in my ear says it looks a little pink but over all good, refers me to an ENT and  sent a nurse in with some pain meds.  Today with every fiber of my being I have to suck it up and move on, I can't get into the ENT as soon as I would like and so I took some pain meds and I am off to the gym. Because normally I would use this as a perfectly good excuse to stay home. Though personally, I am done accepting my excuses.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

24 hours in the day

 I am by nature, a morning person. Though at night I have insomnia. So here is a typical day.   First thing I do every morning is roll over at 4am and take a pill to regulate what little life is left of my pathetic excuse for a thyroid. What a pain in the ass this thing is. I can't have anything other then water in my stomach several hours before or after. So the best time to take it is 4am. I have already gotten up like three times before this to pee, but go figure right this moment I have to pee like I have been holding it for 8 hours straight. I roll over and attempt to go back to sleep. Though you know..... my phone is calling to me..... "Pppppssssssstttttt    trapped skinny girl, some people on instagram commented on your photos...... PPpsssssssstttttt I think you have new friend request on Facebook..... Come look.... You know you wanna". So I have to see what in the world is going on with out me....Now on weekdays. My husband will be up at 5am. Bless his heart he tries to be quiet but he fails every morning. Plus our bedroom is right over our garage. Who ever thought of the layout of our homes, forgot we are in Army housing and that many of the soldiers living here have wives who are not up yet at 5am and after that garage door opens and closes, well.... We are awake now. (I feel bad for anyone who has babies sleeping in their rooms. These garage doors are super loud. I can even hear my neighbors when he comes and goes, we are connected)  Before I sneak downstairs, I get dressed in semi decent "if their was a fire right now no one would laugh if I was standing outside" clothes, brush my teeth and run a brush through my hair. I think I might have winked at myself. I am unsure. Now I am sneaking downstairs, because heaven forbid one of my four children wake up on my account. If I am lucky I can sneak in a cup of coffee before they wake up. Most of the time in my free hour until they wake up. I start to clean. I clean the kitchen and pick up the living room. I wake up my kids and then get all four ready for school. Which kinda looks like this..... Hey you, brush your teeth. Oh you don't want to? Well your teacher doesn't want to smell poopy breath. (2 seconds later) did you really brush your teeth? Come breath on me. (Teeth visually appear clean) I do a smell test. OH MY GOSH did you really think that not using tooth paste was the best idea? Then you blew your morning breath on me? REALLY? Get back in there and use tooth paste. Now I do that three more times. Hopefully soon they will stop trying to be lazy and just do it right the first time. Girls brush your hair. Why? Because you have long hair and you look homeless. Hey you, your shirts on back wards. Yes it is, stop arguing with me. Does everyone have a snack? Gloves, and hat? Nope, not you? You're missing one glove? Okay everyone, we are on a glove finding mission. STOP WHAT YOUR DOING... LOOK RIGHT NOW. (temperatures are negative here in the winter. Gloves and hats are a must)  Time is running out, I thank my lucky stars that they get to eat breakfast at school. Just as they get their final piece of snow gear on, the garage door opens, and that is cue, daddy is home from PT and the kids are to run out to the car. He then takes them to school. This is when I turn around and as fast as I can start to make him breakfast, if I time it just right, as he walks in the door it will be done. He is really good about making me feel appreciated and so I love making breakfast for him. He may also say something like, thank you so much for cleaning the kitchen. See around here when I hit a depressive state, or slack in my wife/mother duties he is my wing man and picks up the slack. He is amazing. So he knows I am the type of person who loves hearing good job when I do something and will continue to do so when I am shown appreciation. So at this point he is getting ready now for work, getting his uniform on and I am just sitting there planning out my day. I should get that one room clean, I need to organize that shelf, I need to really get that laundry done, oh crap I need batteries, milk, and more eggs, incoming email says I need to get that book back to the library today or we will get a fine. A small voice says..... can we sneak in going to the gym? I have a friend now that I talk to nearly every day and I remind myself to check on her, and oh good lord what is for dinner? Water, where is that damn water bottle at anyhow? Incoming call.  "Mrs. Trapped Skinny Girl this is the nurse at the school and I am calling because your daughter forgot her gloves and came in from outside and said her fingers hurt, I need you to bring her a pair".( ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She left them in the car) Okay, run husband to work bring gloves to child, throw a load in the washing machine (I will forget about it and have to redo it). Grab work out clothes. (Not all int hat order)  Go drop off the book at the library, run into the store to get more eggs and coffee creamer here on post. Milk is to spendy here have to run to Walmart for milk. Grab the milk, forgot the batteries. Pick up husband for lunch. Remembered the laundry, switch it over. throw clothes from dryer on my bed, and start a new load. Take dog out. I am on auto pilot in the morning so I did that after I got up hours ago, but now she of course needs out again. Like gosh why can't she go twice a day and be fine? Just kidding. Or am I?
So all of this is just between 4am and 11:30am. You may be thinking, look lady, we are all busy. Your life is no more special. Well you're right, but if I cared about everyone else right now, well I might just break. I am here blogging about me. This whole damn blog is about me. If you don't like it, read a different blog. <------ Oh man I went all brave there. I can really be slightly bitchy behind a screen. This is now where my day starts to slow down. I hit this weird tired wall. I am 34 years young. I could nap right now. It is kinda sad actually. I look at my fancy fitbit yea this purple monster that makes me some days feel like an Egyptian slave. I check my steps. AWWWWEEEEEE crap. Only 2300 out of 10k. How is that possible?  I am slacking. What will my fitbit buddies think? Okay, I have to take my husband back to work in a half an hour. So I change my clothes from in a hurry slacker mom, to oh yea I work out. A sports bra that is clearly to small around for me, a tank top, and a pair of tight work out pants. I throw on my awesome comfy new work out shoes these bright colored sketchers and look at myself in the mirror. I think, yea she is hot stuff. Naw,  something more realistic like, girl get a damn sweatshirt on. No one wants to see that flapping around. (Let's veer off for a moment. I saw on Facebook just yesterday a cartoon that if I can find it will be shown right now.... If it is not here means I couldn't find it, I am sorry. It was about a mom dragging her kids out of bed on a school day. Then next clip the weekend, the kids are butt crack of dawn jumping on mom and dads bed. THAT IS MY STORY..... I wake my kids at 7am... it is now 6:47am and my kids are awake on a Sunday. WHY??? WHY??? I don't get it. GO BACK TO BED..) So after I drop my husband off no excuses gym is really close. Now I have two to chose from. Gym A, I call the mommy and me gym. It is small and half the room is for kids to play. I feel sometimes better going there just for the simple fact it is smaller. The other one though MUCH bigger has a lot more to offer equipment wise but a lot more people. I am always in fear of people watching me, secretly snapping pictures of the fat girl trying to trot along on a treadmill. People say I am paranoid but I am not. I have seen people do it. Not to me yet that I know of, but others. So I choose the gym I want, I try to keep myself entertained the whole time. Wireless headphones pumping out amazing music, check. Awesomely bright comfy shoes, check. Water bottle, check. Game face, check. Treadmill 10-20 minutes as warm up. Then I work out my arms and upper legs with the weight machines. then I either climb stairs, or bike. It is anywhere from an hour to two hours. I head home and catch a shower. Most days forgot about that second load of laundry. For the sake of this story I will pretend I didn't and put the one in the dryer on my bed. As I am getting out of the shower I see the pile of laundry puke on my bed. I secretly wish all the clothes would magically disappear. But alas, nothing better then air drying and folding clothes. NO JUDGING, I am home alone and well who cares? Lets dig into why laundry sucks. I have four kids.. ENOUGH SAID. Little peoples clothes. It is just awful. If me telling my kids to fold their own laundry worked as much as when my husband tells them to, I wouldn't be here folding it. My girls almost wear the same clothes and so do my boys, it is just awful to fold, sort, put away. Who wears what? If I put the wrong shirt in one girls drawer, the other girl is going to flip out. The struggle is real people. When they freak out at me, sometimes I laugh. They have no idea what true stress really is. Someday they will call me and vent and I will laugh and they will be pissed, why mom, why are you laughing they might say? Oh ya know, when you were a kid you thought your shirt being in your sisters drawer was the end of the world, but now, you know... It's not. Back on track. It is about 3pm, school is out, kids will be walking home and be home in 15 minutes. I run down stairs, HELL NO all that laundry didn't get folded. I just folded the towels, and threw all the socks in one pile. All four kids are in elementary school, so all will have some sort of homework. Common core math has been trying to explode my brain for years now.  So we attempt to do that, snacks and hear about their day. Sounds easy enough right? WRONG! One kid is dying to go to a friends house, when I tell him no his world has ended and his nine year old self that everyone loves and adores is now throwing a fit on the ground and saying he hates me. In that moment, everyone who just loves him and thinks he is the sweetest most behaved kid they have ever met is welcome to come by and take him for a couple hours. Two kids want more snack then what I already gave them and freak out when I say no, and I am resorted to showing them parts of my fat body that have been the consequence of poor choices and bad eating habits. Sorry I had to take it there kids but you left me no choice. The fourth, the oldest, who has severe ADHD and the most homework is off hiding with my kindle trying to figure out the password. Her medicine is worn off and she is in her own world where puppies, and rainbows exist and homework is death.  Dinner, what is for dinner? I dodn't take out anything, and I really am in the mood for nothing.  Is it 5pm yet? Garage door opens, daddy is home. He sees the look of, please help me, on my face and rescues me. Starts helping with homework, I start dinner, or vice versa. Dinner on the table. Now I am Mormon. <----- take that in for a moment...... Not a good one. Some people have a slang term for members like me. Jack Mormon. I am known to do things that are not what I should be doing. We all sin, you mind your sins I mind mine. Don't waste your stones on my glass house.   It is what it is. One thing I do that I will never stop doing is praying before we eat. So one kid prays and then we go around the table and say our best and worst of our day. I am always last. Not because my family doesn't care. I make it that way. My kids say stuff like.....   I got to play at said friends house today, eating dinner with my family, my sister played dolls with me, for the most part the bad of their day they say they don't have one. My husband always says good, being home from work, bad, having to go to work. As it gets to my turn there are so many things I want to say. This is what I say. My best was spending time with daddy for lunch. My worst I still have a pile of clothes sitting on the bed. Dinner wraps up, we clean up, watch a family show together, or play a game or something fun. Baths, brush teeth, and then bed. 8pm. 8:15pm boys, get to bed, stop playing.... 8:20 no you don't need more water... 8:30 FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE GET BACK TO BED. We finally head to bed. I brush my teeth, and take my daily meds and vitamins. Lay in bed and smile and think man I am so damn lucky.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Suzie at the gym

I want to talk about something that happened today. I ran into lets call her Susie. She is an amazing woman. I met her last year and it had nothing to do with her passion or losing weight or anything health related. I sold her yarn. I never knew then how this first meeting would be the start of anything. Later I learned she was hard core fitness buff. Well that is what I like to think of her as. When I first saw pictures of her, I thought, man I would love to even look a little like her. She has the body that a lot of women get jealous over and she has an I don't care if you don't like me attitude. (Which I need her to rub off on me some of that)  At one point her photos made me really jealous. I didn't care how she got to where she is. Her road or the bumps that may be in it. I was just jealous. Here is why. She loved the processes. Her photos were amazing to me. She does those, check out how toned and amazing this work out made me look photos. She worked hard and I wanted her dedication. I don't know her personal life, and we really have not talked much. One day I thought, rather then wish I was her, lets be me, with her help. She made a valid point. She would only work with me if I was dedicated enough to follow through. So I got a fitbit and I was to screen shot every day my steps. I was to put in hard work before she would push me harder.  I was doing so good. In fact every screen shot I sent her I felt one step closer. Then it happened. I had surgery on my ankle several months prior, and one day while coming down the stairs, my ankle gave out and I broke my other foot. It was the the worst pain I had ever felt. I have had gall bladder pain, I have had four kids, I have had several surgeries, I even had a hysterectomy. Nothing could compare to the unreal pain this made me feel. I spent the next three months in an aircast. I had a broken ankle. I gained so much more weight. I got so depressed and felt like such a failure. Every weekend my husband and I take our kids now to the gym and they play while my husband works out with me. Today she was there. I took one look at her and told myself, someday I am gonna own it like she does. Today I wasn't jealous. Today I realized, you want something great you gotta fight for it. So my husband and I did a great work out. During it, she stopped me and told me, she reads my blog and enjoys reading it. Now, call me a little corny, but I totally felt like a million bucks. I look up to her and here she was telling me she liked my blog. I told her about how I can't wait to have this surgery and how it is a great tool for me,  but it will only take me so far, and I needed to be here in the gym. She agreed. It was right then I knew, I didn't need her to motivate me. I needed to believe in myself. She did that in one little passing conversation. I admit that while she was there and I knew could see me (the room is super tiny) I pushed myself really hard. (My body will be thanking me later) Though after she left I didn't stop. My amazing husband and I did a lot of couple stuff and then in true Trapped Skinny Girl Style I ended with a free weights dance off. I even took off my sweat shirt.  SO Suzie, If you are reading this, thank you. For being you. Your words of encouragement mean more to me then you will know and I am so glad you are following my journey.

Friday, January 22, 2016

My war with the dressing room will one day be won.

To be honest had my friend not been on the phone with me when I went into the dressing room I think I might have cried. Today was not my day for trying on sports bra.

Click subscribe, cause that would be awesome to really take this far. Bring awareness to what we really go through, before during and after. The more followers, likes, shares. The better. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.   Enjoy the video. 

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Do you have a taste aversion?

Okay, so I have a taste issue. I can't do gritty, or slimy, or taste the vitamins. I also was told that after surgery your taste buds may change.  My surgeon said, not to really try stuff now, but to wait until after. Here are a few things I HOPE, and pray I still like after surgery. (DISCLAIMER - I am not trying to sell anything so please don't think I am. What works for me, or you is not what works for everyone) So the first thing I love that has tons of the good stuff I need is Thrive shakes. I can't taste grit, I am oddly addicted and it mixes well with the good stuff I put in it, yogurt, berries, milk ect.  I pray, like I have really prayed, out loud to God (not sure what you believe or not, but God, heavenly father, the big guy from the bible, yea we are pretty tight) please let me  keep it down, and still love Thrive shakes. Two I love love love OIKOS triple Zero yogurt. At first it was kinda different, it is a greek yogurt and I am not a huge fan of it. It kinda grew on me. So, two major things I love that pack a lot of protein.  For those that don't know protein and water intake are a huge part of after surgery life. Figuring out how to get as much as you can in a day, in very small portions. It can get tiring. So.... pray, think positive thoughts, put out good vibes, what ever you do,  that Thrive and this yogurt will still be something I love after surgery. I have a sample packet of Thrive to try after surgery. I am fighting not wanting to drink it right now. So do you have taste Aversions? Things you can't eat? Or how has things changed for you after surgery?

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Trying to prep my mind for water

I want to be very real with myself, and I really wanted to take one day and drink water and eat food the way I would after surgery. Not necessarily drink and eat food how I would right after surgery but several months down the line, you know,  what would be a normal day for me. I have to admit this is a lot harder than I had anticipated. I have a special bariatric timer on my phone. And every 15 minutes it lets me know I can take a drink. Once I have taken a few sips I press it again. Then I wait 15 more minutes. I'm trying not to sit here and stare at the clock. Though a couple of times I have found myself doing that. This morning when I went to go drink my morning blueberry shake (fat free blueberry yogurt, skim milk and frozen blueberries) I realized how hard this whole thing really is. It took me over an hour to finish my blueberry shake. I'm not going to lie I took very big ships. I imagine that after several months of eating and drinking this way it will get much easier. For now I really wanted to show myself what I was getting myself into. I don't have a small stomach right now to tell me that one or two sips is going to be okay. Right now my stomach is the normal size it has always been and there for one or two small sips just doesn't seem right. It is almost as if my mind, my stomach says, what the heck, small sips? Really? Cut that out and eat and drink normally. The whole thing seems very wrong. 

I know I will never fully be prepared for what I am going to go through. I can assume till the cows come home. What ever I prepare for chances are the exact opposite will happen to me. In fact many of my friends tease me. Call me Murphy (Murphy's law). Though if I can prepare myself for most of the journey, and be as ready as I can be, the better. So today I am focusing on this water, protein intake in small portions and every 15-30 minutes. 

Because this is not my life so to speak right now. I want every person in the WLS community to know you have my love and support. This is not easy and the fact you have to do this means you need support on anyone who understands. You deserve a huge hug!

Transfered my blog

I totally forgot I once had a blog under my Gmail account. I actually was not fond of the last blog site I had. It wasn't easy for people to follow or to comment. So with that. I took my old blog, and deleted it all and redid it. I am so thankful to have found this old one and I am excited to see where it takes me.

Do me a favor. Comment if you have a post you like, share your favorites on Facebook, and the bog one. Follow this blog. Thanks readers. You are the best. -J

Questions from my IG peeps

I was having a brain fart today when I went to my IG (instagram - you can find me there at skinnygirl_rny if you are not already a follower) I asked them for questions, ideas and topics. So here is what they wanted to know,and wanted me to talk about.

DISCLAIMER: I get into some pretty heavy topics, I talk about some nasty stuff and I am not holding back at all I may even say a swear word or two. Oh and this is going to be a long one.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

rny.anna gave me an amazing list. So lets get going. She wants to know, what made me decide on my RNY path.  So about 6 years ago after I had my last child I found out I had cervical cancer. I was on some great meds to help shrink the mass and hopefully get back to normal. I lost a lot of weight. Pair that with taking a huge leap to leave the biological father which was really stressful and that alone can factor in your weight and health. I though sick on the inside never felt better on the outside. I was always the fat girl at the table. I was always the girl with the great personality. The friend. I will never forget my high school crush saying if I ever turned my life around and became a model he would date me. WHAT THE HELL? I was bound and determined to become a hand model. NO LIE. He became one of my best friends, and we did kiss once, but he never turned to the dark side. I couldn't convert him to be a chubby chaser. Anyhow, back on track. My cancer wasn't getting better, and I was getting worse so I ended up having a partial hysterectomy. I was okay with that. Still had my ovaries which play a HUGE part in being a woman. I didn't know that then. Later cancer would get me again and I had to have my ovaries removed too. I woke up to getting a hormone shot in my butt. I couldn't afford the hormone medicine a lot of the time and had to skip doses for months. I gained a lot of weight from that. I also was now remarried to the greatest man alive. I thought okay I am comfy in my relationship, and I had my goods removed, totally exceptionable reasons to gain weight. Now I used to call my down south region my kitchen. Ya see a lot of baking happened in there. Now I feel like a gutted kitchen. Over the last two years I sky rocked in my weight. Gaining over 120 pounds. I in the past year and a half have had a major ankle surgery. That ankle gave out running out down the stairs. I broke my other ankle. Despite that, I thought I can still do this. I can still work out. I got this. With lots of cheer leading, I kept trying, and failing, but dusting myself off and trying. The weight would tease me, a few pounds, and then back.  I even had a damn breast reduction to work out better. These bad boys were a killer, and hurt so bad so I was so happy to get a breast reduction. Still nothing. My kids stopped drawing stick figures of me and drew round bellies. I was getting tired for no reason. I was sleeping a lot, getting migraines. I was not motivated to do anything active with my kids. My depression reached an all time low. I knew I had to do something. I went to my family doctor and we came up with at first the sleeve. I was turned down before he even introduced himself. I was referred to another surgeon an hour plane ride away. He had my labs drawn that same day, and I was diagnosed with severe hypothyroidism. I now am on medication for that too. It has been a year since I made the choice to have gastric bypass surgery, and am so excited to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am choosing this to be more active, to play with my kids, and their kids, to love myself again, and smile again.
She asked me what are my goals after my weight loss surgery. SIMPLE, to stay on point. Focus, remember why I did this. Try not to cheat, and follow my surgeons instructions.
What I look forward to after WLS. First when I go to sit on the airplane and I have to adjust the seat belt. Next when this spare tire under my boobs isn't bigger then my boobs. Last, doing some out door activity with my kids the whole time.
My fears going into WLS. That it won't work. =(
What are your chosen vitamins and protein drinks. Right now I am taking a multi vitamin, vit D3, folic acid, Vit D, biotin  no protein drinks at this time.
Steps take to get to wls. labs drawn, ekg, upper GI, nutritionist visits, 6 months of weigh ins, sleep study, psychological evaluation, I feel like I am forgetting something. It has been a long year.
Thank you Anna.
fit_colie9114 asks:
My relationship with food pre-op vs post op.
I really feel like I have an advantage here. I don't have a relationship with food. My surgery is based on my body doing this to me, not me eating to much. I have a shopping problem which is just as bad in my opinion. Before surgery I am eating like many other people. I could eat healthier yes, though I am not eating really bad. I don't over eat. I normally will have small portions. Take some of my meal to go. I forget to eat most days. That is a down fall too. I have been trying to teach myself in prep for surgery to eat slower. MUCH MUCH s....l....o...w...e...r,  smaller bites. Much smaller portions. As far as my water goes I am trying to drink an ounce or two every 15 minutes I have an app ;) bariatric timer.
Thank you fit_colie
 lovelyrnylisa asks:
What websites do you use for new food ideas. OH good questions and while I would love to say I have one. I honestly don't. A lot I have noticed is facebook. Weird huh? So many good things come across my wall and I check it out. So many dishes can be made healthy. sub fatty bad ingredients for good ones.
What exercises do you do? I love the treadmill. I love it more when I go with a friend that I love to talk to. Chatting about everything and nothing and before I know it I have walked or jogged for 45 minutes. I love doing the dark horse work out. Google it : Dark horse Jessica work out. Oh man it is my favorite.  Oh and the last one, which I have done many times already while writing this blog post. Putting in my ear buds, and doing a dance break. Right now, I am listening to the Meghan Trainer album.
She wants to know what my favorite NSV (non scale victory) is.  I have not had the surgery yet. I plan on documenting all of them. The little things will be so important. When the towel closes all the way, not having to lay on the bed to zip my jeans. Running for 10 minutes with out stopping. So many things I look forward to.
Thank you Lisa.

Next is Tinagallinawls:
She wants me to talk about how important it is to eat slowly. This is a big deal. Many people will say, I was so hungry I didn't eat, or they will eat one more bite then they should. Pushing the limits. Then they have dumping syndrome. Again, google it. It isn't fun. Some people get clear signs from their body to slow down, wait to take another bite, or hey dummy we are full. STOP EATING. I found a great app called the bariatric timer, and once you take a sip or two, or you eat, you press the timer for which ever you did and after 15 minutes it will tell you you can eat or drink again. This is a must for me. I use this even now. For the water portion. Isn't it cute???
Tina wants to talk poop.
Okay, so I had my gall bladder removed many years ago. Going poop, shit, having a bowel movement, number 2 what ever you call it, is rough. I go a few times a day. I can't eat super greasy fatty foods, or with in 10-15 minutes I will be making a bathroom visit. I actually look forward to not having to go as much. Though I have MANY friends who say, that they after WLS go many days with out going. I have had to pull over on the side of the highway and emergency poop. It wasn't pretty, and no, not just once. About ummm 4 or 5 times. I was so embarrassed at first when it happened. Now I carry wipes in my car for those special times my body tries to embarrass me. Oh poop, jokes on you.. I don't care anymore. So I welcome getting stopped up actually. Though I have like I said had friends who this really bothered them. It hurts, and is not pleasant. I mean think about it. You no longer have the stomach to eat as much food, so not much is going through there, it has to build up, then you have tons of vitamins and then for a first few weeks you are trying to get all the narcotics out of your system and those on their own are a huge constipator. Never the less,  something that really helps keep you regular is water and many if not all who have had WLS have to choose, water or protein. It is hard to get all that you are supposed to get. So water gets in, but not enough. So now you have to take something and well... then you get the runs. So there is no happy medium. So yup. shit happens.. or in this case, doesn't.  (I really did just laugh to myself.)
Thank you Tina
catssleeveconfessions asks:
What do you wish you knew before surgery. So I have to say I am pretty educated at this point, and gotten tons of advice. I wish I could see in my future and see how it will be for me. As we all know, everyone could tell me all day, what they went through and chances are for me that it will totally opposite.
She also wants to know why I chose an RNY over a sleeve- Rny because MANY reasons one, RNY is reversible.  It has been around for MUCH longer, and last sleeves are geared more for people who have a relationship with food (not to say that people with food addictions don't get RNY's) RNY's are good for people who have health related weight gain. I was at first denied the sleeve, and it was actually a blessing because it gave me more time to research my options and in that moment we knew (we my husband and I who is my biggest supporter) to do the RNY.
In a Roux-en-Y gastric bypass , only a small part of the stomach is used to create a new stomach pouch, roughly the size of an egg. The smaller stomach is connected directly to the middle portion of the small intestine (jejunum), bypassing the rest of the stomach and the upper portion of the small intestine (duodenum)
Thank you cat.

So that is all for today and I am so thankful for these awesome IG followers, and friends and supporters. These are just a small handful of the wonderful people I have over there. If you are seeking out WLS and need support. Download instagram and start inputting this in the search bar  rny, sleeve, lapband, sleever, gastricbypass and you will find MANY people headed down that journey too, already there, and many several years out. You will see the good the bad and the very ugly. You will never feel more love then you do there. -J