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Nothing is going to get me down

All my life I have been a jack of all trades and a master of none. I hardly ever finish what I start, and I get bored really easily.  (I promise this is leading to something) So needless to say fitness has been a love hate relationship on so many levels. When I would stop going to the gym, I had an excuse that was pretty legit. Had surgery on an ankle, broke the other one. Those kinds of things. I never really thought about how I should better myself and work through it. It seemed like just when it was hard, just when progress was slowly coming calamity would strike and I didn't have to keep working out. Regardless of all that I hope working out will do for me. Over all at the end of the day it made me feel better. Like cleared my brain. Losing weight is super hard for me. Medical reasons play a huge part in that but if I am not eating right, working out like a mad woman, and drinking tons of water. If any of those are not in tune and done with the others, the weight comes right back. No rest for the wicked. Anyhow, so here I am, about to have this major surgery. A tool that will help me keep the weight off that I am fighting so hard to lose. Though this tool is not all I am using. I am back in the swing of working out. I am pushing hard, I love it again. Then yesterday happened. I started getting this pain through my ear and into my head. Sharp, insane pain. Felt like I was under water. I couldn't hear well, but that wasn't the worst thing for me, it was pain, very very painful. I started to put pressure on it as if that would help, and do these weird head tilt to the side tick thing when it would strike me. This started moments before we left the gym yesterday,  as we went to let our kids play on the indoor playground, it got worse and worse. There were tons of people there and I didn't care who saw me, I broke down in tears. The pain was unbearable, I felt dizzy, and I couldn't hear well.  I had my husband take me to the ER. After what felt like forever waiting to be seen a doc looks in my ear says it looks a little pink but over all good, refers me to an ENT and  sent a nurse in with some pain meds.  Today with every fiber of my being I have to suck it up and move on, I can't get into the ENT as soon as I would like and so I took some pain meds and I am off to the gym. Because normally I would use this as a perfectly good excuse to stay home. Though personally, I am done accepting my excuses.

24 hours in the day

 I am by nature, a morning person. Though at night I have insomnia. So here is a typical day.   First thing I do every morning is roll over at 4am and take a pill to regulate what little life is left of my pathetic excuse for a thyroid. What a pain in the ass this thing is. I can't have anything other then water in my stomach several hours before or after. So the best time to take it is 4am. I have already gotten up like three times before this to pee, but go figure right this moment I have to pee like I have been holding it for 8 hours straight. I roll over and attempt to go back to sleep. Though you know..... my phone is calling to me..... "Pppppssssssstttttt    trapped skinny girl, some people on instagram commented on your photos...... PPpsssssssstttttt I think you have new friend request on Facebook..... Come look.... You know you wanna". So I have to see what in the world is going on with out me....Now on weekdays. My husband will be up at 5am. Bless his heart he tries to be quiet but he fails every morning. Plus our bedroom is right over our garage. Who ever thought of the layout of our homes, forgot we are in Army housing and that many of the soldiers living here have wives who are not up yet at 5am and after that garage door opens and closes, well.... We are awake now. (I feel bad for anyone who has babies sleeping in their rooms. These garage doors are super loud. I can even hear my neighbors when he comes and goes, we are connected)  Before I sneak downstairs, I get dressed in semi decent "if their was a fire right now no one would laugh if I was standing outside" clothes, brush my teeth and run a brush through my hair. I think I might have winked at myself. I am unsure. Now I am sneaking downstairs, because heaven forbid one of my four children wake up on my account. If I am lucky I can sneak in a cup of coffee before they wake up. Most of the time in my free hour until they wake up. I start to clean. I clean the kitchen and pick up the living room. I wake up my kids and then get all four ready for school. Which kinda looks like this..... Hey you, brush your teeth. Oh you don't want to? Well your teacher doesn't want to smell poopy breath. (2 seconds later) did you really brush your teeth? Come breath on me. (Teeth visually appear clean) I do a smell test. OH MY GOSH did you really think that not using tooth paste was the best idea? Then you blew your morning breath on me? REALLY? Get back in there and use tooth paste. Now I do that three more times. Hopefully soon they will stop trying to be lazy and just do it right the first time. Girls brush your hair. Why? Because you have long hair and you look homeless. Hey you, your shirts on back wards. Yes it is, stop arguing with me. Does everyone have a snack? Gloves, and hat? Nope, not you? You're missing one glove? Okay everyone, we are on a glove finding mission. STOP WHAT YOUR DOING... LOOK RIGHT NOW. (temperatures are negative here in the winter. Gloves and hats are a must)  Time is running out, I thank my lucky stars that they get to eat breakfast at school. Just as they get their final piece of snow gear on, the garage door opens, and that is cue, daddy is home from PT and the kids are to run out to the car. He then takes them to school. This is when I turn around and as fast as I can start to make him breakfast, if I time it just right, as he walks in the door it will be done. He is really good about making me feel appreciated and so I love making breakfast for him. He may also say something like, thank you so much for cleaning the kitchen. See around here when I hit a depressive state, or slack in my wife/mother duties he is my wing man and picks up the slack. He is amazing. So he knows I am the type of person who loves hearing good job when I do something and will continue to do so when I am shown appreciation. So at this point he is getting ready now for work, getting his uniform on and I am just sitting there planning out my day. I should get that one room clean, I need to organize that shelf, I need to really get that laundry done, oh crap I need batteries, milk, and more eggs, incoming email says I need to get that book back to the library today or we will get a fine. A small voice says..... can we sneak in going to the gym? I have a friend now that I talk to nearly every day and I remind myself to check on her, and oh good lord what is for dinner? Water, where is that damn water bottle at anyhow? Incoming call.  "Mrs. Trapped Skinny Girl this is the nurse at the school and I am calling because your daughter forgot her gloves and came in from outside and said her fingers hurt, I need you to bring her a pair".( ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She left them in the car) Okay, run husband to work bring gloves to child, throw a load in the washing machine (I will forget about it and have to redo it). Grab work out clothes. (Not all int hat order)  Go drop off the book at the library, run into the store to get more eggs and coffee creamer here on post. Milk is to spendy here have to run to Walmart for milk. Grab the milk, forgot the batteries. Pick up husband for lunch. Remembered the laundry, switch it over. throw clothes from dryer on my bed, and start a new load. Take dog out. I am on auto pilot in the morning so I did that after I got up hours ago, but now she of course needs out again. Like gosh why can't she go twice a day and be fine? Just kidding. Or am I?
So all of this is just between 4am and 11:30am. You may be thinking, look lady, we are all busy. Your life is no more special. Well you're right, but if I cared about everyone else right now, well I might just break. I am here blogging about me. This whole damn blog is about me. If you don't like it, read a different blog. <------ Oh man I went all brave there. I can really be slightly bitchy behind a screen. This is now where my day starts to slow down. I hit this weird tired wall. I am 34 years young. I could nap right now. It is kinda sad actually. I look at my fancy fitbit yea this purple monster that makes me some days feel like an Egyptian slave. I check my steps. AWWWWEEEEEE crap. Only 2300 out of 10k. How is that possible?  I am slacking. What will my fitbit buddies think? Okay, I have to take my husband back to work in a half an hour. So I change my clothes from in a hurry slacker mom, to oh yea I work out. A sports bra that is clearly to small around for me, a tank top, and a pair of tight work out pants. I throw on my awesome comfy new work out shoes these bright colored sketchers and look at myself in the mirror. I think, yea she is hot stuff. Naw,  something more realistic like, girl get a damn sweatshirt on. No one wants to see that flapping around. (Let's veer off for a moment. I saw on Facebook just yesterday a cartoon that if I can find it will be shown right now.... If it is not here means I couldn't find it, I am sorry. It was about a mom dragging her kids out of bed on a school day. Then next clip the weekend, the kids are butt crack of dawn jumping on mom and dads bed. THAT IS MY STORY..... I wake my kids at 7am... it is now 6:47am and my kids are awake on a Sunday. WHY??? WHY??? I don't get it. GO BACK TO BED..) So after I drop my husband off no excuses gym is really close. Now I have two to chose from. Gym A, I call the mommy and me gym. It is small and half the room is for kids to play. I feel sometimes better going there just for the simple fact it is smaller. The other one though MUCH bigger has a lot more to offer equipment wise but a lot more people. I am always in fear of people watching me, secretly snapping pictures of the fat girl trying to trot along on a treadmill. People say I am paranoid but I am not. I have seen people do it. Not to me yet that I know of, but others. So I choose the gym I want, I try to keep myself entertained the whole time. Wireless headphones pumping out amazing music, check. Awesomely bright comfy shoes, check. Water bottle, check. Game face, check. Treadmill 10-20 minutes as warm up. Then I work out my arms and upper legs with the weight machines. then I either climb stairs, or bike. It is anywhere from an hour to two hours. I head home and catch a shower. Most days forgot about that second load of laundry. For the sake of this story I will pretend I didn't and put the one in the dryer on my bed. As I am getting out of the shower I see the pile of laundry puke on my bed. I secretly wish all the clothes would magically disappear. But alas, nothing better then air drying and folding clothes. NO JUDGING, I am home alone and well who cares? Lets dig into why laundry sucks. I have four kids.. ENOUGH SAID. Little peoples clothes. It is just awful. If me telling my kids to fold their own laundry worked as much as when my husband tells them to, I wouldn't be here folding it. My girls almost wear the same clothes and so do my boys, it is just awful to fold, sort, put away. Who wears what? If I put the wrong shirt in one girls drawer, the other girl is going to flip out. The struggle is real people. When they freak out at me, sometimes I laugh. They have no idea what true stress really is. Someday they will call me and vent and I will laugh and they will be pissed, why mom, why are you laughing they might say? Oh ya know, when you were a kid you thought your shirt being in your sisters drawer was the end of the world, but now, you know... It's not. Back on track. It is about 3pm, school is out, kids will be walking home and be home in 15 minutes. I run down stairs, HELL NO all that laundry didn't get folded. I just folded the towels, and threw all the socks in one pile. All four kids are in elementary school, so all will have some sort of homework. Common core math has been trying to explode my brain for years now.  So we attempt to do that, snacks and hear about their day. Sounds easy enough right? WRONG! One kid is dying to go to a friends house, when I tell him no his world has ended and his nine year old self that everyone loves and adores is now throwing a fit on the ground and saying he hates me. In that moment, everyone who just loves him and thinks he is the sweetest most behaved kid they have ever met is welcome to come by and take him for a couple hours. Two kids want more snack then what I already gave them and freak out when I say no, and I am resorted to showing them parts of my fat body that have been the consequence of poor choices and bad eating habits. Sorry I had to take it there kids but you left me no choice. The fourth, the oldest, who has severe ADHD and the most homework is off hiding with my kindle trying to figure out the password. Her medicine is worn off and she is in her own world where puppies, and rainbows exist and homework is death.  Dinner, what is for dinner? I dodn't take out anything, and I really am in the mood for nothing.  Is it 5pm yet? Garage door opens, daddy is home. He sees the look of, please help me, on my face and rescues me. Starts helping with homework, I start dinner, or vice versa. Dinner on the table. Now I am Mormon. <----- take that in for a moment...... Not a good one. Some people have a slang term for members like me. Jack Mormon. I am known to do things that are not what I should be doing. We all sin, you mind your sins I mind mine. Don't waste your stones on my glass house.   It is what it is. One thing I do that I will never stop doing is praying before we eat. So one kid prays and then we go around the table and say our best and worst of our day. I am always last. Not because my family doesn't care. I make it that way. My kids say stuff like.....   I got to play at said friends house today, eating dinner with my family, my sister played dolls with me, for the most part the bad of their day they say they don't have one. My husband always says good, being home from work, bad, having to go to work. As it gets to my turn there are so many things I want to say. This is what I say. My best was spending time with daddy for lunch. My worst I still have a pile of clothes sitting on the bed. Dinner wraps up, we clean up, watch a family show together, or play a game or something fun. Baths, brush teeth, and then bed. 8pm. 8:15pm boys, get to bed, stop playing.... 8:20 no you don't need more water... 8:30 FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE GET BACK TO BED. We finally head to bed. I brush my teeth, and take my daily meds and vitamins. Lay in bed and smile and think man I am so damn lucky.

Suzie at the gym

I want to talk about something that happened today. I ran into lets call her Susie. She is an amazing woman. I met her last year and it had nothing to do with her passion or losing weight or anything health related. I sold her yarn. I never knew then how this first meeting would be the start of anything. Later I learned she was hard core fitness buff. Well that is what I like to think of her as. When I first saw pictures of her, I thought, man I would love to even look a little like her. She has the body that a lot of women get jealous over and she has an I don't care if you don't like me attitude. (Which I need her to rub off on me some of that)  At one point her photos made me really jealous. I didn't care how she got to where she is. Her road or the bumps that may be in it. I was just jealous. Here is why. She loved the processes. Her photos were amazing to me. She does those, check out how toned and amazing this work out made me look photos. She worked hard and I wanted her dedication. I don't know her personal life, and we really have not talked much. One day I thought, rather then wish I was her, lets be me, with her help. She made a valid point. She would only work with me if I was dedicated enough to follow through. So I got a fitbit and I was to screen shot every day my steps. I was to put in hard work before she would push me harder.  I was doing so good. In fact every screen shot I sent her I felt one step closer. Then it happened. I had surgery on my ankle several months prior, and one day while coming down the stairs, my ankle gave out and I broke my other foot. It was the the worst pain I had ever felt. I have had gall bladder pain, I have had four kids, I have had several surgeries, I even had a hysterectomy. Nothing could compare to the unreal pain this made me feel. I spent the next three months in an aircast. I had a broken ankle. I gained so much more weight. I got so depressed and felt like such a failure. Every weekend my husband and I take our kids now to the gym and they play while my husband works out with me. Today she was there. I took one look at her and told myself, someday I am gonna own it like she does. Today I wasn't jealous. Today I realized, you want something great you gotta fight for it. So my husband and I did a great work out. During it, she stopped me and told me, she reads my blog and enjoys reading it. Now, call me a little corny, but I totally felt like a million bucks. I look up to her and here she was telling me she liked my blog. I told her about how I can't wait to have this surgery and how it is a great tool for me,  but it will only take me so far, and I needed to be here in the gym. She agreed. It was right then I knew, I didn't need her to motivate me. I needed to believe in myself. She did that in one little passing conversation. I admit that while she was there and I knew could see me (the room is super tiny) I pushed myself really hard. (My body will be thanking me later) Though after she left I didn't stop. My amazing husband and I did a lot of couple stuff and then in true Trapped Skinny Girl Style I ended with a free weights dance off. I even took off my sweat shirt.  SO Suzie, If you are reading this, thank you. For being you. Your words of encouragement mean more to me then you will know and I am so glad you are following my journey.

My war with the dressing room will one day be won.

To be honest had my friend not been on the phone with me when I went into the dressing room I think I might have cried. Today was not my day for trying on sports bra.

Click subscribe, cause that would be awesome to really take this far. Bring awareness to what we really go through, before during and after. The more followers, likes, shares. The better. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.   Enjoy the video. 

Do you have a taste aversion?

Okay, so I have a taste issue. I can't do gritty, or slimy, or taste the vitamins. I also was told that after surgery your taste buds may change.  My surgeon said, not to really try stuff now, but to wait until after. Here are a few things I HOPE, and pray I still like after surgery. (DISCLAIMER - I am not trying to sell anything so please don't think I am. What works for me, or you is not what works for everyone) So the first thing I love that has tons of the good stuff I need is Thrive shakes. I can't taste grit, I am oddly addicted and it mixes well with the good stuff I put in it, yogurt, berries, milk ect.  I pray, like I have really prayed, out loud to God (not sure what you believe or not, but God, heavenly father, the big guy from the bible, yea we are pretty tight) please let me  keep it down, and still love Thrive shakes. Two I love love love OIKOS triple Zero yogurt. At first it was kinda different, it is a greek yogurt and I am not a huge fan of it. It kinda grew on me. So, two major things I love that pack a lot of protein.  For those that don't know protein and water intake are a huge part of after surgery life. Figuring out how to get as much as you can in a day, in very small portions. It can get tiring. So.... pray, think positive thoughts, put out good vibes, what ever you do,  that Thrive and this yogurt will still be something I love after surgery. I have a sample packet of Thrive to try after surgery. I am fighting not wanting to drink it right now. So do you have taste Aversions? Things you can't eat? Or how has things changed for you after surgery?

Trying to prep my mind for water

I want to be very real with myself, and I really wanted to take one day and drink water and eat food the way I would after surgery. Not necessarily drink and eat food how I would right after surgery but several months down the line, you know,  what would be a normal day for me. I have to admit this is a lot harder than I had anticipated. I have a special bariatric timer on my phone. And every 15 minutes it lets me know I can take a drink. Once I have taken a few sips I press it again. Then I wait 15 more minutes. I'm trying not to sit here and stare at the clock. Though a couple of times I have found myself doing that. This morning when I went to go drink my morning blueberry shake (fat free blueberry yogurt, skim milk and frozen blueberries) I realized how hard this whole thing really is. It took me over an hour to finish my blueberry shake. I'm not going to lie I took very big ships. I imagine that after several months of eating and drinking this way it will get much easier. For now I really wanted to show myself what I was getting myself into. I don't have a small stomach right now to tell me that one or two sips is going to be okay. Right now my stomach is the normal size it has always been and there for one or two small sips just doesn't seem right. It is almost as if my mind, my stomach says, what the heck, small sips? Really? Cut that out and eat and drink normally. The whole thing seems very wrong. 

I know I will never fully be prepared for what I am going to go through. I can assume till the cows come home. What ever I prepare for chances are the exact opposite will happen to me. In fact many of my friends tease me. Call me Murphy (Murphy's law). Though if I can prepare myself for most of the journey, and be as ready as I can be, the better. So today I am focusing on this water, protein intake in small portions and every 15-30 minutes. 

Because this is not my life so to speak right now. I want every person in the WLS community to know you have my love and support. This is not easy and the fact you have to do this means you need support on anyone who understands. You deserve a huge hug!

Transfered my blog

I totally forgot I once had a blog under my Gmail account. I actually was not fond of the last blog site I had. It wasn't easy for people to follow or to comment. So with that. I took my old blog, and deleted it all and redid it. I am so thankful to have found this old one and I am excited to see where it takes me.

Do me a favor. Comment if you have a post you like, share your favorites on Facebook, and the bog one. Follow this blog. Thanks readers. You are the best. -J

Questions from my IG peeps

I was having a brain fart today when I went to my IG (instagram - you can find me there at skinnygirl_rny if you are not already a follower) I asked them for questions, ideas and topics. So here is what they wanted to know,and wanted me to talk about.

DISCLAIMER: I get into some pretty heavy topics, I talk about some nasty stuff and I am not holding back at all I may even say a swear word or two. Oh and this is going to be a long one.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

rny.anna gave me an amazing list. So lets get going. She wants to know, what made me decide on my RNY path.  So about 6 years ago after I had my last child I found out I had cervical cancer. I was on some great meds to help shrink the mass and hopefully get back to normal. I lost a lot of weight. Pair that with taking a huge leap to leave the biological father which was really stressful and that alone can factor in your weight and health. I though sick on the inside never felt better on the outside. I was always the fat girl at the table. I was always the girl with the great personality. The friend. I will never forget my high school crush saying if I ever turned my life around and became a model he would date me. WHAT THE HELL? I was bound and determined to become a hand model. NO LIE. He became one of my best friends, and we did kiss once, but he never turned to the dark side. I couldn't convert him to be a chubby chaser. Anyhow, back on track. My cancer wasn't getting better, and I was getting worse so I ended up having a partial hysterectomy. I was okay with that. Still had my ovaries which play a HUGE part in being a woman. I didn't know that then. Later cancer would get me again and I had to have my ovaries removed too. I woke up to getting a hormone shot in my butt. I couldn't afford the hormone medicine a lot of the time and had to skip doses for months. I gained a lot of weight from that. I also was now remarried to the greatest man alive. I thought okay I am comfy in my relationship, and I had my goods removed, totally exceptionable reasons to gain weight. Now I used to call my down south region my kitchen. Ya see a lot of baking happened in there. Now I feel like a gutted kitchen. Over the last two years I sky rocked in my weight. Gaining over 120 pounds. I in the past year and a half have had a major ankle surgery. That ankle gave out running out down the stairs. I broke my other ankle. Despite that, I thought I can still do this. I can still work out. I got this. With lots of cheer leading, I kept trying, and failing, but dusting myself off and trying. The weight would tease me, a few pounds, and then back.  I even had a damn breast reduction to work out better. These bad boys were a killer, and hurt so bad so I was so happy to get a breast reduction. Still nothing. My kids stopped drawing stick figures of me and drew round bellies. I was getting tired for no reason. I was sleeping a lot, getting migraines. I was not motivated to do anything active with my kids. My depression reached an all time low. I knew I had to do something. I went to my family doctor and we came up with at first the sleeve. I was turned down before he even introduced himself. I was referred to another surgeon an hour plane ride away. He had my labs drawn that same day, and I was diagnosed with severe hypothyroidism. I now am on medication for that too. It has been a year since I made the choice to have gastric bypass surgery, and am so excited to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am choosing this to be more active, to play with my kids, and their kids, to love myself again, and smile again.
She asked me what are my goals after my weight loss surgery. SIMPLE, to stay on point. Focus, remember why I did this. Try not to cheat, and follow my surgeons instructions.
What I look forward to after WLS. First when I go to sit on the airplane and I have to adjust the seat belt. Next when this spare tire under my boobs isn't bigger then my boobs. Last, doing some out door activity with my kids the whole time.
My fears going into WLS. That it won't work. =(
What are your chosen vitamins and protein drinks. Right now I am taking a multi vitamin, vit D3, folic acid, Vit D, biotin  no protein drinks at this time.
Steps take to get to wls. labs drawn, ekg, upper GI, nutritionist visits, 6 months of weigh ins, sleep study, psychological evaluation, I feel like I am forgetting something. It has been a long year.
Thank you Anna.
fit_colie9114 asks:
My relationship with food pre-op vs post op.
I really feel like I have an advantage here. I don't have a relationship with food. My surgery is based on my body doing this to me, not me eating to much. I have a shopping problem which is just as bad in my opinion. Before surgery I am eating like many other people. I could eat healthier yes, though I am not eating really bad. I don't over eat. I normally will have small portions. Take some of my meal to go. I forget to eat most days. That is a down fall too. I have been trying to teach myself in prep for surgery to eat slower. MUCH MUCH s....l....o...w...e...r,  smaller bites. Much smaller portions. As far as my water goes I am trying to drink an ounce or two every 15 minutes I have an app ;) bariatric timer.
Thank you fit_colie
 lovelyrnylisa asks:
What websites do you use for new food ideas. OH good questions and while I would love to say I have one. I honestly don't. A lot I have noticed is facebook. Weird huh? So many good things come across my wall and I check it out. So many dishes can be made healthy. sub fatty bad ingredients for good ones.
What exercises do you do? I love the treadmill. I love it more when I go with a friend that I love to talk to. Chatting about everything and nothing and before I know it I have walked or jogged for 45 minutes. I love doing the dark horse work out. Google it : Dark horse Jessica work out. Oh man it is my favorite.  Oh and the last one, which I have done many times already while writing this blog post. Putting in my ear buds, and doing a dance break. Right now, I am listening to the Meghan Trainer album.
She wants to know what my favorite NSV (non scale victory) is.  I have not had the surgery yet. I plan on documenting all of them. The little things will be so important. When the towel closes all the way, not having to lay on the bed to zip my jeans. Running for 10 minutes with out stopping. So many things I look forward to.
Thank you Lisa.

Next is Tinagallinawls:
She wants me to talk about how important it is to eat slowly. This is a big deal. Many people will say, I was so hungry I didn't eat, or they will eat one more bite then they should. Pushing the limits. Then they have dumping syndrome. Again, google it. It isn't fun. Some people get clear signs from their body to slow down, wait to take another bite, or hey dummy we are full. STOP EATING. I found a great app called the bariatric timer, and once you take a sip or two, or you eat, you press the timer for which ever you did and after 15 minutes it will tell you you can eat or drink again. This is a must for me. I use this even now. For the water portion. Isn't it cute???

Tina wants to talk poop.
Okay, so I had my gall bladder removed many years ago. Going poop, shit, having a bowel movement, number 2 what ever you call it, is rough. I go a few times a day. I can't eat super greasy fatty foods, or with in 10-15 minutes I will be making a bathroom visit. I actually look forward to not having to go as much. Though I have MANY friends who say, that they after WLS go many days with out going. I have had to pull over on the side of the highway and emergency poop. It wasn't pretty, and no, not just once. About ummm 4 or 5 times. I was so embarrassed at first when it happened. Now I carry wipes in my car for those special times my body tries to embarrass me. Oh poop, jokes on you.. I don't care anymore. So I welcome getting stopped up actually. Though I have like I said had friends who this really bothered them. It hurts, and is not pleasant. I mean think about it. You no longer have the stomach to eat as much food, so not much is going through there, it has to build up, then you have tons of vitamins and then for a first few weeks you are trying to get all the narcotics out of your system and those on their own are a huge constipator. Never the less,  something that really helps keep you regular is water and many if not all who have had WLS have to choose, water or protein. It is hard to get all that you are supposed to get. So water gets in, but not enough. So now you have to take something and well... then you get the runs. So there is no happy medium. So yup. shit happens.. or in this case, doesn't.  (I really did just laugh to myself.)
Thank you Tina
catssleeveconfessions asks:
What do you wish you knew before surgery. So I have to say I am pretty educated at this point, and gotten tons of advice. I wish I could see in my future and see how it will be for me. As we all know, everyone could tell me all day, what they went through and chances are for me that it will totally opposite.
She also wants to know why I chose an RNY over a sleeve- Rny because MANY reasons one, RNY is reversible.  It has been around for MUCH longer, and last sleeves are geared more for people who have a relationship with food (not to say that people with food addictions don't get RNY's) RNY's are good for people who have health related weight gain. I was at first denied the sleeve, and it was actually a blessing because it gave me more time to research my options and in that moment we knew (we my husband and I who is my biggest supporter) to do the RNY.
In a Roux-en-Y gastric bypass , only a small part of the stomach is used to create a new stomach pouch, roughly the size of an egg. The smaller stomach is connected directly to the middle portion of the small intestine (jejunum), bypassing the rest of the stomach and the upper portion of the small intestine (duodenum)
Thank you cat.

So that is all for today and I am so thankful for these awesome IG followers, and friends and supporters. These are just a small handful of the wonderful people I have over there. If you are seeking out WLS and need support. Download instagram and start inputting this in the search bar  rny, sleeve, lapband, sleever, gastricbypass and you will find MANY people headed down that journey too, already there, and many several years out. You will see the good the bad and the very ugly. You will never feel more love then you do there. -J

I am having an affair

Now, I don't normally put out the deepest darkest secrets of my personal life. While I am an open book I do keep some things private. What I am about to tell you is so unreal. I cannot believe it is happening to me. I am having an affair.
I was pregnant with my last child when my then sister in law walked in with my vice. My drug, my happiness. I didn't know that then. I didn't know how much I would depend on it. How much I would crave it, how I would supply my body with it so much. I took my first sip of Dr. Pepper that day. I didn't normally like it. Pregnancy had changed that. I bought another, and another and another. I then realized I loved cherry Dr Pepper, he and I would have a long relationship. Oh how yummy, that was. The carbonation was sickly satisfying. I went from drinking one soda a day, to several cans every day. I would go bat shit crazy when I was out. It has been 7 years of drinking it.
When I found out I was approved for surgery one of the biggest no no's is soda. I went in my room and literally had one. I sat down and said, screw that, I love this stuff. I am never going to give it up.
One day I just knew, in order to make my surgery successful I needed to do everything I am told. For the first time in a long time,I filled up a bottle and drank it. I hated it at first. I mean I just hated it. I wish I could tell you in wording detail how drinking water makes me feel. I would come up with every excuse as to why I didn't like water.  I knew I needed to figure out a way to really make water a good thing or else I was going to suffer after surgery. I got a pretty water bottle with a built in filter,(the water here is kinda gross and I wasn't about to pay for free water.)  I realized I love the water when it is literally ice cold and I am now up to drinking three of these water bottles a day, it is a 34 oz bottle.
                                                   
Here is my confession. I have not seen my old love in three weeks. I have thought about it from time to time. Me and that dr, did have some good times. Though he was toxic and did not help me in the slightest with improving my life. Today I woke up to confess my cheating ways, and come to terms that Dr. Pepper and I are finished and I am in love with water.

Letters I wrote to my kids

I am so blessed to have four beautiful kids. Two boys, and two girls. I had surgery last year and something in me said, to write them these letters. I was so scared I wouldn't wake up. SO I put these letters and one to my husband on my computer.    Before my surgery I told my husband that should anything happen to me the letters are there. But, only to read them if I didn't make it.  I know that sounds morbid, but I just couldn't leave this earth with out leaving a piece of myself to the ones I loved the most. So while all letters are similar, here is the one I wrote to my oldest daughter, and then the one I wrote to my oldest son. All letters are changed a bit to cater to the child.  I was going to write a blog today about jealousy and then I was talking to a good friend and we got on the topic of our kids, and then I realized I am blessed with so much. I read her the letters and she was so moved and suggested I share them. So I am. (No part of my letter was taken from anywhere else. It was all mine)
Dearest Lilyannah,                         2/1/2015
I never thought I would write a letter to my kids like this. Though it dawned on me. Tomorrow is never promised. If there comes a time that I am to go from this life and leave the four of you here without me, I wanted to leave you with a piece of myself. Honey you know me and how emotional I am. I am sitting here in tears. If you are reading
this, it means I have gone. It means your heart is broken. It means you may be hurting in a way no one can understand. Know this. I am still here with you. Every song you find yourself singing, I am signing with you. You get that beautiful voice of yours from me. Don't waste it. If you use it to be famous someday or not, use it. Sing to yourself, in the shower, to de-stress, to my grand-babies. Sing when you are happy, and sad, and angry. Sing always. You are a beautiful gift. You made me a mother. I am not sure how old you will be when you read this. So pardon if you are older and you already know some
of what I am about to tell you. My sweet, don't be to hard on yourself. Don't give up. Try as hard as you can. Never let anyone make you feel worthless. Fall in love with Mr. "right for you" not mr. "right now". Remember the difference between "love and lust" they look the same. Trust me when I say, there is a difference. A few years after you have been together,
If you still want to wake up next to him, and he doesn't irritate you with anger, that is love. (Some days he will irritate you, but you will love him (or her) anyway. )  Just because a man says I love you, doesn't mean he deserves to be in your pants. A
man who truly loves you will wait. That is not me being over protective, that is FACT! Just so you know, I am going to say a lot of the same parts to all your siblings, so if you end up reading this in their letters, don't feel cheated, it was something you needed to know.  A man should NEVER lay a hand on you. If he does, you get out of there FAST. There are resources to help you. Don't you dare stay with a man who thinks it is okay to abuse my beautiful daughter. Be the best mom you can be. Your instincts will take you far in parenting, trust them. Some days your kids will annoy you and you will want to crawl in a hole. Or pray for a vacation. Honey that is normal. Breath, hug them, tuck them in. But don't hurt them, or make a bad parenting call.Grab a glass of wine, a hot bath and sing.
I know you will be an amazing mother some day. I hope it is once you are married. Though if it is not, read up on all you can. Start preparing for my grandchild to come from the moment you find out. Oh and tell them about me. About the good things, and
the great memories we had. Tell them how much I love them. I am sorry in advance if any thing I did parenting wise causes you to need counseling. I am kinda giggling to myself as I type that. I tried hard when you were 9 to explain what a period was
but I epically failed. I am sorry. I hope you do much better then I did. Learn how to cook. Not for a man, but for yourself. Learn how to sew, the basics. Learn how to change a tire. Learn how to balance a check book. Only ever have one credit card and pay it down all but 10%. Grow your credit. Start a savings. Last but not least. Never lose contact with Owen, Morgan and Shane. Stay strong in your love for each other. After your father and I are gone, and until you get in a relationship, those three will be all you have. Call each other to check up on each other, to have coffee dates, and just be friends. Only borrow
money from them in emergency cases and ALWAYS pay them back. If your father is still alive, remind him I loved him more. Never lie, cheat, or steal. Be fair, honest and kind. Pray always. God is always listening. I will see you again someday. Until then, be amazing. I am so proud of you. I love you. I know you love me too.
XOXO love always. mom.

Dearest Owen,                     2/01/2015
I never thought I would write a letter to my kids like this. Though it dawned on me. Tomorrow is never promised. If there comes a time that I am to go from this life and leave the four of you here without me, I wanted to leave you with a piece of myself. Honey you know me and how emotional I am. I am sitting here in tears. If you are reading
this, it means I have gone. It means your heart is broken. It means you may be hurting in a way no one can understand. Know this. I am still here with you.  You are a beautiful gift. You showed me how to be brave. You saved my life. You will never truly understand this. Maybe one day when you have kids of your own, you will. I am not sure how old you will be when you read this. So pardon if you are older and you already know some of what I am about to tell you. My dear son, don't be to hard on yourself. Don't give up. Try as hard as you can. Never let anyone make you feel worthless. Fall in love with Miss. "right for you" not miss. right now. Remember the difference between "love and lust" they look the same. Trust me when I say, there is a difference. A few years after you have been together,
If you still want to wake up next to her, and she doesn't irritate you, that is love. (Some days she will irritate you, but you will love her (or him) anyway. ) Don't ever tell her what she needs to hear to get in her pants. If you truly love her you will wait. That is not me being over protective, that is FACT! Just so you know I am going to say same part to all your siblings, so if you end up reading this in their letters, don't feel cheated, it was something you needed to know. Son, love with all your heart. Never lay your hands on a woman. Always open the door for her, pull out her chair, remind her from the beginning to the end how much she means to you, how beautiful she is. Be the best dad you can be.I hope you stay married to the mother of your children. Though if you don't and life takes you on another path, build a relationship with you kids. Go to their games, and recitals, and birthdays, make memories with them. Love them. Be friends with their mother.
Speaking of mothers. Always show your kids how much you love her, kiss her, hold her hand, buy her flowers for no reason. Do the dishes once in a while. Eat dinner as a family. Never put her down in front of the kids. Compliment her in front of them.
Be on her side always.Listen when she speaks, talk out your problems, don't yell. Never go to bed angry. Make time to date your wife. Your instincts will take you far in parenting, trust them. Some days your kids will annoy you and you will want to crawl in a hole. Or
pray for a vacation. Honey that is normal. Breath, hug them, tuck them in. Then go do something you like to do, read, watch a game, have a beer, what ever calms you.
I know you will be an amazing Father some day.  Start preparing for my grandchild to come from the moment you find out. Your now pregnant wife may be moody, It isn't your fault, but she may take it out on you. Just let it go. Do something to make life a little easier on her. Spoil her in her pregnancy. She is carrying your child she deserves to be spoiled.
Oh and tell them about me. About the good things, and the great memories we had. Tell them I love them. I am sorry in advance if any thing I did parenting wise causes you to need counseling. I am kinda giggling to myself as I type that. I have photos of you wearing your sisters princess dress up clothes. I am sorry. I hope you do much better then I did. Learn how to cook. Learn how to balance a check book. Work hard, when you work for your money you cherish the fruits of your labor.  Only ever have one credit card
and pay it down all but 10%. Grow your credit. Start a savings. Last but not least. Never lose contact with Lily, Morgan and Shane. Stay strong in your love for each other. If your father is still living, remind him I loved him more. After your father and I are gone, and until you get in a relationship, those three will be all you have. Call each other to check up on each other, to have coffee dates, and just be friends. Only borrow money from them in emergency cases and ALWAYS pay them back. Never lie, cheat, or steal. Be fair, honest and kind. Protect those who cannot protect themselves. Pray always. God is always listening. I will see you again someday. Until then, be amazing. I am so proud of you. I love you.
I know you love me too.
XOXO love always. mom.

You're lazy, you're taking the easy way out.

Oh you know I don't personally think that but here is a video all about it. 


click here to view the video

Sharing your gastric bypass news

Check out my newest video on youtube

In this video I hope to be able to inspire anyone who has not shared with those they love be able to do so by sharing my video on social networking sites. Remember, if after you share the news, you are treated different, or they don't show you the love and support you deserve, well.... Get rid of them. -J





Click here to view video

Goal clothes

I have started a "goal clothes" stash. Somehow my husband found a pair of the jeans and said. "Honey whose are these?" I told him they were mine. The look on his faced and this comment made me have to take a step back and realize he wasn't meaning to hurt my feelings. He said, "are you sure?" with a lump in my throat and I could feel tears wanting to well up. I told him about my goal clothes stash. I explained how I know that as I lose weight I will need clothes, but the sizes will keep coming off, and I am not going to keep buying clothes and pretty much never needing them again. So I have been going to thrift stores on special $5 bag days. I found these jeans, practically brand new and really sexy. I actually may never fit them. Right now, I cant even get them past my knees. It will be a huge non scale victory when I can get them up past my thighs. Even more of a victory when I can get them closed. Oh you bet I will come back here and post a picture of me in them. For now, I have posted this lovely picture for your viewing pleasure. I can't wait to fit these bad boys.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Asking my daughter why I am having surgery

My daughter and I talking about my surgery.

See the thing is, my kids know my weight has been a very sensitive issue for me. My kids starting drawing family pictures and when I went from being a stick figure to a round figure, I knew, something was different. They no longer viewed me the way I thought about myself. On some occasions not meaning to, they have slipped and said something about my weight. I am a naturally an emotional person. So while I know they would never mean to hurt my feelings, it does. So they walk on egg shells in that area of my life. I hate that they have to, but I can't help it. For the first time my daughter talked about it, and as you can see she didn't want to say out loud what this surgery would do for me. Saying it would make me skinny meant she had to imply I was fat. In a round about way. She of anyone else has made the most comments. Once she told me that my stomach was disgusting. That was the worst moment for me. She didn't mean to hurt my feelings, she called it like it was. She said what I say, every time I see it. Anyhow, here is the whole video.

Click here to view video

The excitement is building.

Only 39 more days until we leave to head to the town where my surgery will take place. Road trips are the best in my family. See in the past couple years my kids went from "are we there yet"? To being so good on long trips. My husband is my best friend and being on long rides with him is the best. The ride is 6 hours give or take with bathroom breaks with clear roads. If the weather is bad or the roads are bad it can average seven to eight hours. So I cannot foresee the future and so I am banking on a longer ride since it is Alaska in the winter time. While my surgery is not until the 19th, my preop is the 17th of February, and we check in at our hotel mid day on the 15th. So Every morning when I wake up my kiddos my youngest daughter tells me how many days until we leave.
Today she said mommy we are under the 40 day mark, we have 39 more days. When I ask her what she most looks forward to she replied. I can't wait to pick out flowers for you with daddy for when you wake up. She then says, mommy I have a confession. She looks so sad at this point. I am so worried about what is going to come out of her mouth next. She said, would you be mad if I am also excited to go to chuck e cheese? I had to fight back laughing. There is no place like that here and so when ever we get a chance we try to go. I have a very large post frame and when we go we take pictures with their little drawing machine that they have. I have done it since my kids were little. Without hesitation I looked at her and said, honey I am very excited about that too.
I have started to do even more research then I already have on the surgery I am about to have. I am so excited and so scared. I started following many people in instagram who also have had some sort o weight loss surgery. I didn't even know that world existed. Oh and those people are amazing. They too know how scared and excited I am. To see their triumphs is something that makes my heart happy.  Every picture I post, there is supportive comments, and likes. So any of you fellow IGers reading this thank you. Thank you for your support.
I have two amazing friends were I live locally. One who is almost at her two year out mark from Surgery. Another who just had hers about a month ago. So it is so good to have them in my life. One who has it as a fresh experience and I can see how she is going through it, and the other who has been there done that and I can see how she is doing. They both are proving not everything happens to everyone. As both of them are experiencing different reactions to this surgery. Honestly without these women I would be so lost. I am so grateful for them.
I wish tomorrow was the day to leave, I want to get this road going and start the new path. I feel like I am just stopped. I have started doing some things at home on my own. I am not required to do a two week pre-diet. Though that has not stopped me from trying to get a head start. I have eaten much better, lots more water,and getting more steps in. I don't do it, expecting to lose weight. I have no metabolism because of my thyroid disease. I do it, so I can start getting used to how my life will be very shortly.  everyone can tell me until they are blue in the face, what I should and shouldn't do. They can tell me how they think it will be or not. Honestly. I trust my gut. I do what my surgeon tells me. I am just ready to get it done.

Why I say, trapped skinny girl

So lets address the over all question I have gotten from one reader and then from a friend of mine. Why do I say "fat girl" why do I say that there is a "trapped skinny girl"?
Okay lets not beat around the bush. I am fat. I am not skinny. I am however a skinny girl trapped in a fat girls body. So rather then sugar coat my wording to appease readers, I realized this is MY blog. My journal so to speak, and I can call it what I want. When you write a blog you can call it what you want. Fluffy, thick, large, big boned, plus size... What ever you want.
I am not happy in the skin I am in. So while others are okay with how they are. I don't wear fat proudly. I view myself as much thinner. When I see photos of myself I am shocked by what I see. I cover myself with hoodies and dark pants.  Not that I think I need to be a certain way because society says that is the more attractive image. Rather because this fat makes me sick, literally. Also this fat makes me uncomfortable, emotionally and physically.  Everything from smell, rashes, the way I feel in clothes. What I can and can't wear and so many other things.
HOWEVER, let's be real here for just a minute. Other then health wise. I have asked myself. Would I care as much about my weight if say, every magazine cover was a fat woman? What if every model was bigger then a size 14. What if bigger really was better? Would I be here now? Or would I be strutting my fat down main street like I am the shit and you can all bask in that? Yea, I would. So what society thinks of me does play a part in why I want to be thinner. I want to wear fashionable clothes.  I want to look like my husbands physical equal. I want to wear a bathing suit that says I am hot stuff. I want to wear boots that go up my calves. Or a bra that doesn't make me look like the pillsbury dough boy with boobs.
So you might be thinking. "Make up your mind, do you care what people think, or not?"  Well to be fair, I would be lying if I didn't say. EVERY SINGLE DAY.  My stomach has started to hang now, and unless I go out of my way to layer and wear a tank top under my hoodie to cover my belly, you will see my belly poking out the bottom of my shirt through my jeans. Ugghhh even the visual of that makes me just hate it. I think most of all I hate this stomach. So now that I can no longer hide it, or make it blend with clothes, I get anxiety about what people think when they see me.
When I was younger and I don't say this proudly at all. I was like many people in the fact that I was ignorant, selfish, and kinda mean. I would see a fat person who looked like I do now and think. Dear God I hope I never look like her. I would even turn to a friend and kid around and say "If I ever get like that just kill me."  Now many years later I am that girl. I wish I would have bitten my tongue, or been wise enough to say, J that could be you someday.  Pray for her don't judge her. It is sad that until you are faced head on with an issue, you can't see how important it is to have compassion for it. This last year I have been faced with many issues that I never knew would be so important to me until they happened to me. Death, cancer, obesity, and so many more.
So since I can die tomorrow, I admit here and now. I am a fat girl. There is a skinny ( thin, slender, fit, in shape, what ever you want to call it,) girl dying to get out and with the help of a gastric bypass surgery I am going to help set her free.

Letter to myself when I lose all my weight

Dear Skinny girl,
Wow, look at you. You have come so far. You look amazing. As I write this to you now, you are not skinny yet. I threw on size 3xl pj bottoms a 3xl shirt and a really big robe. I took my morning pills, drank some water and got this idea in my head. I knew times a head after our upcoming weight loss surgery would be hard. I knew that the one person you need to believe in you most is me and I would need to get a jump start on that. So I thought, I am going to write myself a letter. Here I am sitting with tears in my eyes. Skinny girl, do you know why I am crying? I cry because the day will come when you will read this. It will be addressed to you. One day the fat girl writing this will be the one who gets to read it.
I am so great at making others feel really good about themselves. I didn't want you to forget you are important too. Skinny girl, did you have to hurl yourself out of bed this morning? Or did you pop up, and know today was going to be a great day? Skinny girl, do we go to the gym? Do we love it? Are we taking selfies a lot to show off this new amazing body yet? Skinny girl, have we bought a little black dress and gone on a date yet? Skinny girl, I must know did you buy skinny jeans yet? Skinny girl, do you remember to eat well every day? Little to no cheating, and drink lots of water? So, do we go on bike rides with the kids? Have we gone on a hike yet that lasted hours? Skinny girl, do we have a matching bra and panties set? Did you buy your first bikini yet? Skinny girl, did we take our air plane selfie yet? If you have not, do so the next time you're on a plane. close your eyes and remember the moment you had to tighten the belt. Skinny girl, has anyone told you, you inspire them? That they are working hard because of you?
Skinny girl, I don't want you to forget a few things. One, remember where you started. Work hard to stay where you are. You can get back to that point at anytime so keep pushing. Don't ever look back. Two, you are not better then anyone. Wear your new body proudly, but don't be rude and rub it in everyone's face. Not everyone is afforded the same opportunity as you. You were once in their shoes. You once thought, you were going to be fat forever.  You will lose friends. You will find some people will not agree with your life choice after all. Be happy you met them, and had them in your life for the little while, but let them go. Misery loves company. We have waited a long time for this kind of happiness, don't let them get you down. With that said, don't walk on egg shells. Those in your life right now are there because they choose to be. I did a good job of running off anyone who might give you crap. You are welcome. Lastly, three, remember never stop loving yourself. Because when people tell you, you look great, or you are doing amazing, you won't believe them if you stopped loving yourself. Loving yourself keeps you going.Even if you are having a hard time.  Keeps the weight off, you eating healthy and taking care of you and your family. There will still be hard days. You made a life choice, don't regret a moment of it. Just push through the hard days. Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to try again. Don't forget to thank those who are nearest and dearest to you for helping you reach your goals.
Now if we don't own a little black dress yet, please go and buy one, and take my husband on a date. Thank him for all his support, love, and selflessness. Without him, this would not have been possible for us.
Skinny girl I can't wait to see you. It has been so long. Though I hope you never get to see me.
The only time I was thin   12/2010

All my love.
J

Not something commonly talked about

When I was a little girl,  I remember one thing more then the rest.  My mother was bigger then other moms. Along with that came a smell.  This last year I noticed as I gained more weight,  I started to get the same smell.  I hated it. It's only happened a few times,  but a few more then I'd like.  Many people already associate this smell to fat people. So I fight it with many showers,  deodorant,  and sneaking a quick wiff to check. I get paranoid now.  Do my kids ever smell it?  Do passers-by? So back I go to shower, a lot. I never had this smell before this major gain in weight.  Is this like your bodies way of saying "you're killing me,  we are slowly going to rot, and stink. Lose weight now."  I can't wait for this surgery. I'm in tears writing this.  I mean who likes to openly admit these weird embarrassing things,  in a society that fat shames, bullies, and torments fat people. Oh ya, this girl. I know I'm not alone but let's be real.  Who is ever going to say it? So I will.
Amazing the things I think about when I can't sleep and it's super quiet, and late.   -J

What vitamins do you take?

I recently saw circulating on Facebook an article about how a lot of Walmart and chain stores like it are selling vitamins that do not have the amount in them they say they do. That, a lot of them are filled with fillers. So I wanted to hear from you what you use.
I recently was recommended by a friend to try patches from patchmd.com I bought two boxes $20 each for a 30 days supply, after I got the go a head from my surgeon.
                                                                                                                                   Here is what the package looks like of the patches.

                                                                                                                      As you can see they are pretty small and can be easily  placed on the body with out

 being a huge eye sore.

I am not trying them yet, because for now I can still swallow normal pills so I am. Though after seeing that I thought I would ask around what is your favorite vitamins and protein drinks, and why.
                                                       
Here is just a sample of what I take now. This is prep for surgery. Not everyone has to take this,  but I do. Because it is harder to absorb after surgery my surgeon wants me to get my levels on the higher end of normal. I was low on Vitamins D, B12, and folic acid. I added Biotin, as well as a daily vitamin for women. I take my hormone medicine and Thyroid medicine. I have a prescription of Vitamin D as well.  At first I was overwhelmed. I thought how am I going to get used to all this. My Thyroid med has to be taken on an empty stomach. Four hours after eating, and a couple hours before eating. So I wake up in the middle of the night to take it. Then I take the rest when I wake up with breakfast. It is habit and routine now. I have been doing it for a few months now in preparation.  As you can see that large one in there is my multivitamin and that is the one I will take out and sub with the patch. They also have a B12 patch that I will use and take out the b12 pill. So that will make it a little easier on me. Some people might think. Why go through all that? I would rather do this then think for a moment what my life might be like in a year, two or 10. With out this surgery, these pills, and my new life.

So comment below on what you take and why. Also which protein drink works for you and why. Do you like the flavor, is it the only one that you can drink?.... Let me know.

Welcome to Trapped Skinny Girl

I started this blog for many reasons. Mainly because I have an Instagram dedicated to showing my story through pictures and I wanted to get a little more real, and personal with my fellow WLS (weight loss surgery)  family, friends and anyone who wants to know. I wanted to be able to ask questions, tell it like it is, and really get down and dirty on what all this really means to me in more then a picture. So with out further a do. Here is my story, and at the end maybe enough reason for you to follow along with my journey.
First and foremost I am a wife, and mother. Some people get all offended when called “just a mother” but at the end of the day, that title is the biggest in my house. I am a jack of all trades and a master of none. I can change my own tire and make a hair bow, take out my own trash, fish for salmon, and Pinterest any day of the week. I have a college education and I use proper words like, “that is my sweet heart” not my bae. Or rather that is tots lame. Honestly folks, that is just lazy. I know the difference between; That cat went over there. Is that cat theirs? oh no? It’s yours? Well You’re so lucky I found him. See what I did there??? I also know what the squiggly red line under a word means, and last, most times where to put a comma. (Though I want to save you some time. Should I forget a period, or a comma or misspell a word. Don’t bully me about it. The world will not end and you are not the Spelling and grammar police, so just keep on reading and let it go)  I can play the violin. Clean really well. Fold a wicked basket of laundry. I can do medical billing and coding at any hospital or doctors office. Though the last thing I do before I go to bed is kiss all four of my amazing kids, and tell them I love them. I am a mother. It is the only job I have never quit. It isn’t easy, and has sucked at times. Though I wouldn’t trade it for anything.